Most of this post is just me kind of ranting about things you've all heard before so continue at your own risk.
Apologies for the lack of presence on le blogger, I've been dealing with a SHITSTORM (like nothing I've ever experienced in my 23 years) in my personal life and dealing with with that as best as I can ...which turns out is not well. Typical me.
I haven't even gotten on here to read anyones blogs either, for lack of time and spiraling in to some sort of almost depression. Don't worry though, over it, new life plan. I have dearly missed my blogging friends though and intend to make a comeback to riding and blogging once life and the weather simmers the fuck down.
We left off with Yanks being a grumpy butt and plans to start showing in Florida next month once I move. And we pick up today having ridden maybe 3 times, dealing with working 70 hour weeks, being dead tired, battling the batshit INSANE weather we've been having and currently NOT moving to Florida.
I kept this from everyone for about a month and half because not only do I feel like my life was upturned (yet again, worst luck ever), I was almost embarrassed because I made a huge deal out of it, got an apartment AND a barn, poo poo-ed the naysayers and was basically like fuck ya'll.
So now I hang my head in sadness and shame and wish my life would just work out the way I want it to FOR FUCKS SAKE. Done a bit of soul searching, hoping I found the right answers, but I really don't want to talk about it further.
SO ANYWAYS.
This weather doh.
Since last post I got a wicked cold and was down for the count for about 2 weeks, luckily some of that was when I went home for Christmas and Yanks got worked 3 times while I was gone.
Since THEN though I just haven't felt like battling the snow. ice and bitter cold to ride when there's no point so I think I rode once and lunged once.
He's turned into quite the sourpuss as well and I don't want to deal. Thats terrible of me I know but I just can't right now. I know he misses work and HATES being shut inside but I don't make the rules about turnout. I make sure the baby gets ample love and grooming but thats about it. I am frustrated that we were finally getting somewhere and had to shut it down for a month, even though we have an indoor! Some kind of cruel fuckery.
I also realized that as of Jan 1st, Yankee is now TWELVE and has YET to go fucking prelim. Everyone's lecturing me, saying be grateful he's alive etc etc. I KNOW PEOPLE CALM DOWN I'm just frustrated that my boss ass beast can jump intermediate and do some solid dressage now and we can't even afford to get our qualifying scores to GET to Prelim.
YET AGAIN FOR THE FIFTH YEAR RUNNING. God dammit I'm so over it.
It is really hard to be happy when all I've ever wanted with this horse was to go 2* and everyone around me is competing and getting new horses and I'm over here like 'oh hey at least his board is paid, he has shoes and food but uuuhhh past that, SOL'.
I was going to be SET in FL, but thats no longer an option.
As for the weather, not sure how ya'll are faring but our barn is a DISASTER. We are not used to temps below 0* and the windchill has held steady at -30* for going on the 3rd day. All of the horses had been in for 4 days and only some got turnout today at the cost of us begging the BO to let us for fear of getting trampled while barely getting stalls clean.
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| Yankee was happy happy happy |
Our barns manure container is full and we have nowhere to even dump what we barely take out of the stalls. They're all frozen! How do people in Canada do this??
It is SO hard to watch those around you accomplish the things you want to do yourself. It really, really sucks. But, I do believe things happen for a reason. So keep on keeping on.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear you've been boggled down by bad luck again. Fingers crossed things start to look up.
ReplyDelete:( Hang in there. It can't be this cold forever, right?
ReplyDeleteI have no idea why people live in Canada. I think my state is too cold and we rarely go below zero. I'd say never, but apparently we do that now, for the past two years.
GIVE ME GLOBAL WARMING BACK DAMMIT.
Just wanted to give you some hope, my friend did her first Prelim when her horse was 13. She did 5 years of Training level and only last year felt ready - however when she went out, she kicked total ass an won a few times because she was so well prepared.
DeleteI'm not sure what your job situation is but there is always a way to make more money if you want to afford to show. If you have any skills that are useful, or have anything you can sell...might get you started.
Try not to get down...hard work will get you where you want to go...keep your chin up!