One Year Later

Wow guys. Its been a year. An entire year since I've been back in this godforsaken state. But also, its GOTCHA DAY for my Red Nugget!

And to think he used to race only a few short years ago.

It is truly hard to believe a year has flown by like this. Before I reflect on the last 365, I wanted to take a look at the picture of the first time I ever sat on this glorious animal. 

Instant love. I mean I had essentially already bought him before I had even ridden him, thats how much I knew I wanted this horse. I knew there was something special about him from the first time I saw him on L's profile on FB.

My absolute favorite picture

So since its been one year, I naturally look back and want to think negatively. We honestly haven't done much in the last year. When he forst got home, I worked him almost everyday. I had no job and it was summeritme. It was glorious.

A month later, he kicked the fuck out of my leg. Not only was I severely injured, but my confidence in that I had made the right choice with this horse was shattered. I wasn't supposed to ride for a few months, but I did anyways after 6 weeks.

Our biggest struggle was getting him to gain weight. The top picture is month 3, and the bottom is month 5. I wish I had been better about taking monthly confo shots, because it was truly awesome to see the changes in him. Right around November he got REALLY fat, and that was also the last time we had a really good ride until May.

We has flying changes!

We has awkward jumping!

If you've followed this blog long enough, you all know about his extreme and sudden behavior issues this winter. It made riding him impossible and frustrating and I continued to question if this horse was right for me.  Thankfully, we were able to haul to a nice arena when I had time (I was now employed), or when he would get on the trailer...which was a whole 'nother issue.

Sometimes he was lovely out on our farm, but in general, I think I rode him maybe a handful of times over the winter...he was too dangerous. So for the majority of the winter, he just hung out, ate hay and got to be a horse.

Trails with dad

neck muscles

A rare good moment

Over winter so I didnt kill myself with non riding boredome, we worked on ground work, manners, tricks and loading in the trailer. WHen spring sprung and I dusted off ole faithful, scored some new swag from Rolex and rode out for the "first" time together, he was a whole different horse!

Bacardi was even loading on the trailer like a regular pro!

And jumping things like an actual adult horse!

Now, As I try to quantify what we've accomplished, there is nothing in terms of shows or accolades. However, when I can walk up to my horse and pet  him on the face from the front and he doesnt rear, thats a win. When I can halter him from outside his stall door, in his stall, or in a field, thats a win. When we can have a smoothe transition from trot to canter, thats a win. When he gets on the trailer, win. When he lunges like an angel, win win win. When he no longer refuses to come into the barn or stall and then explodes into the doorway, skidding out, thats a huge win. When he no longer lashes out in fear, win. When you can clean a stall with him in it, major win. When he comes when I call him, instead of bolting away, that my friends is a win. And then theres that mysterious thing, When you just "feel it". You know two souls are connected. Thats the biggest win.

So sure, we didn't do much together in terms of riding or becoming better at what we do. But we figured each other out. He was able to work through his anxiety and fear issues, and learn to trust me. Without trust, you have nothing and now, we are ready to kick some ass.

We're goin' places!

Gettin' It

Today was one of those

days. And I did.

Le sadsack blogpost motivated me for a brief while. I'm absolutely wiped out, but not only did I manage to secure a monthly bonus for May, I PR back squat at the gym AND worked Bacardi and he was AMAZEBALLS. Twas a good day.

I got home a little early (10 min) and barely even changed clothes before I sprinted to the barn to lunge the red nugget before the sun went down. He was slightly confused why I wasnt feeding him, but nonetheless, was an absolute angel.

I didn't want to lunge for long, as we haven't done so since the last time where he laid down on me *crying laughing emoji*. I think that was like, February! All I really wanted to do was get that ass twerkin for minute.

It was also balls hot outside and I do believe the bugs are now out in full force. Yay summer.

Anyways.

Bacardi floored me with his manners. Its like he thought about lunging expectations for 3 months and now just...does them. I couldn't believe it. He halted when I asked, stood stock still, changed direction without fuss, changd gaits without explosions and listened to half halts. It was truly glorious.

A few times he slipped in the grass and freaked for about half a second with a small crow hop, but in general he was obedient, relaxed and willing.

HELLO hind end

WHATS UP stretchy trot

His canter was a bit of a mess, but we didn't have much room to work and he's terribly weak still at that gait. In time. In time.

I was just happy with a calm, forward canter.

Majestic AF

I am slightly concerned in that he's dropped a shitload of weight in the last month. Might be the MOST perplexing thing. Hes been less interested in hay since the green grass popped up, but I'm just hoping this is a OTTB thing and he will gain it back soon. I remember Yankee having some mighty weird weight fluxations around 6-7 as well.

Can you guys believe that tomorrow marks ONE YEAR that I've owned the red one?

Crazy.

Oh This Will Not Do

Let me start off with a disclaimer. I am insanely grateful for everything in my life. I try not to take any of it for granted, as you never know when it will be gone. There are people that have it much worse, and I am very aware. VERY aware. But I am on the struggle bus. In fact, I think I'm driving it. TOOT TOOT, all aboard.

But really, what is new? My life for the last since 6 years has been a shitstorm and I've accepted that this is just life. Adulting will never get easier. I'm really new to it. SOme of you have got the hang of it by now, but I'm just over here like "halp". As some say, life sucks and then you die.

I try to think of it a wee bit more positively, but I will say that I am feeling the pressure.  Sometimes it gets slightly trying.

The not getting chores done, feeling rushed all the time, barely eating, rarely sleeping is semi okay with me. Its the riding once or twice every 8 to 11 days thats starting to really wear on me.

I'm LOVING every ride we've had lately, its just so intermittent. It literally makes me want to cry thinking about it. Like, I've had this horse almost a year now and we've been to exactly zero shows and done a whole lot of nothing.

Generally, I blame my work schedule.

Who in the hell thinks its a good idea to start at 10ish AM? Thats smack dab in the middle of the best daylight hours. Not to mention my commute is RIDICULOUS.

A small taste into my world if you care...

4:45 AM: rise and shine betch
5:15 AM: feed the creatures
5:30 AM-5:55AM: Drive to gym
6AM-7 AM: get my WOD on
7AM- 7:35 AM: drive home
eat at some point, maybe
lay out clothes, pack lunch, do stalls, clean chicken coop, etc
8:15 AM tack up
8:25 AM- 8:45AM: ride (but not really do much because time)
scurry to untack
9:10 AM: maybe shower, maybe get life together
9: 25 AM: leave for work
10:15 AM: sit ass in chair, begin work
7 PM: end work
7:15 PM-8PM: driving home
8:15 PM feed animals, do stalls etc etc
9:15 PM bed
lay awake until 11.

Repeat.

Don't event think about a social life.

Scratch riding if it raining, which it has been for the last WEEK. Or if I'm working OT (8AM-7PM T/Th to help PAY for the damn horses) Also I'm not very motivated to hack my horse down the road every other day because that does a whole lot of nothing over time but make both of us equally as bored. I need circles, I need jumps, I need something.

He really liked his BOT pad...that we've used once...in the last 2 weeks

It is the epitome of a first world problem, but I'm going to bitch about it because I have an amazing horse and no time to work with him.

It is BEYOND frustrating. I'm always tired. Nothing gets done (like literally nothing). No time to read blogs, or blog in general. I keep forgetting to do important things like fill my car up with gas. I think I forgot to wash my hair 3 days in a row once last week. My horse doesn't get ridden. His topline is completely gone. The barn is a mess. I'm wondering what the point to all of this is. Essentially I need the job to have a horse. I need to live where I do to have a horse. But those two things are making it impossible to ride said horse.

I feel like this would ALL get fixed if my work schedule was 8 AM to 5 PM since those are like, normal hours. But theres no way to change it. So its like, I either have this amazing horse in my field and maybe ride him once every week or so, or I sell the thing and enjoy nothing else outside of work. Either way, rather miserable.

Not to mention the to-do list outside of my equine and work life is getting scary and I keep just shoving it  in my bag hoping it will disappear.

Some days I wake up and I'm like

But by then end of the day after going hard for 16 hours I'm just like

And thats how it goes. And I literally don't know how to fix it. So thats my bitchfest for now. Sorry.

Monica out.