Thursday, May 19, 2011

After The Fact

Its been a boring week since my event.

I thank you all for the kind words and comments, you all are such a wonderful support group. Thus why I blog :)

I've been pretty sore this week but each day it gets better. I've been working a ton, since Tuesday I 'm going home for 5 days to visit my dad (and thats like $400+ wages lost and gas to and from...). He got back from overseas the day Osama's death was announced and I'm really excited to see him! The working part has sucked, since I'm stiff and can't lift anything, but I'm hoping I make some extra cash putting in all the hours.

I rode for the first time since my fall yesterday. H is gone for 3 weeks, so R and I have been working her horses. I rode Pronto, Warrior and Yankee and it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Sitting the trot was easier on my back actually than rising and the canter wasn't too hateful. I felt really floppy though and was glad no one was there to see me, haha.

As for the showing/jumping business...I will be getting back on track. I've been thinking a lot, and I'm sure I'm not the only one this has happened to. I am stilll absurdly ashamed of my fear and fall, but I'm hoping with Cheryl's coaching I will gain my "ooopmfh" back. I never thought I'd lose my ooompfh. With Spirit, my first eventer, nothing was high enough. I CRAVED running XC. Dressage was for the birds. I am so conflicted now. I want nothing more then to do upper level eventing but the thought of a stinky baby prelim course makes me cringe.

Slow and steady I guess, but it makes me sick. There are riders younger than me going 1* and I can't even get past Training. Even when I had the eventing sickness, I never had the money or a nice enough horse to go farther. I had/have the skills, but I just couldn't afford the show fees. It all really sucks sometimes.

I would really like to do the Novice 3 Day Event in Kansas City, since I don't think I will be ready to do the training level one. I have 3 more events planned, Including Queeny park next month, since those are the only ones not more than 4 hours away. I simply CANNOT afford gas for a show more than 4 hours away. Sucks. 

I didn't even want to go to college either. I wanted to go full-time training for someone, become a working student. I feel like college is sucking my life away. I'll be 21 when I graduate. Younger than most in my class, but I feel ancient in eventing years. Sarah Mittleider competed at Rolex when she was 19!

I can't get over this funk of jealousy and self loathing. Doesn't help that its supposed to rain for like 5 days straight.

Luckily, I passed College Algebra and Spanish, so no more of that, and I am on track to graduate on time :)

Jumping for off the first tiem since my fall tomorrow maybe. We will see....Cheryl won't be there but her assitant trainer, Emily, will be. Its my only day off too till I go to Ohio. I'm going to miss my ponyface :(

OH, I got an interview at Petsmart for a dog groomer...crosses fingers I can say adios to food service and hello to something I actually enjoy!

5 comments:

  1. Trust me, I know the feeling. I can't remember the day when I realized I hadn't moved up to a new division in 10 years. But it was recent, and I almost threw up in my mouth.

    My problem of course was that I zoomed up the levels in high school, then started riding babies, and crazies and nothing that was going to march me up the levels any time soon. It took me a while to get comfortable with the choices I've made with horses (namely not campaigning anymore), but I think I'm finally there.

    Though I still got a bit pouty watching Rolex this year.... ;)

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  2. I used to feel the same, about the age thing. But Mark Todd is 55 and still eventing ... you have *decades* left to get there. There's times and seasons in our lives and they come and go differently for all of us. Don't give up!

    Oh, and give yourself some credit for how hard it is to ride while you're at uni! Having a career while riding can be hard (time-wise), too, but at least you'll have money :) Would you go and be a working student after you graduate, or would you consider that a waste?

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  3. Trust me, you are NOT ancient in eventing years. As another commenter said, look at Mark Todd, and Mary King. Not exactly spring chickens. And then there's the multitude of riders who make their debut at Rolex in their 30s or 40s. The wonderful thing about this sport is that you have your entire life to compete at the top levels.

    I was 21 when I first bought my horse. I didn't successfully complete a Training level event until I was 22. My advice? Stop paying attention to Young Riders. I'm at a barn where Young Riders is a big deal for the younger group, and I can tell you that all of these kids who go and do even the CCI* at YR have enough money to buy nice horses (most of them with prior experience), and to afford consist training and traveling to shows. There's nothing wrong with that at all...but those who don't have money often end up banging their head against a wall and wondering why they can't progress through the levels.

    I can't emphasize how important a consistent training program is for moving up the levels. It is incredibly difficult to try and move up without any coaching. I admire you for trying, but I think you're on the right track by trying to get consistent coaching now.

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  4. I guess you guys are right....just sucks from schooling prelim/intermediate jump and dressage to going back to competing novice...for crying out loud. I WILL get over this though. With the help of Cheryl and some more competitions at Novice, I hope to shake this bug. To Alighieri, it does really suck to not be made of money. I work two jobs to support myself and my riding, but sometimes even that isn't enough with being a full time college student. It seems unfair to me sometimes that I work SO SO hard and don't get anywhere, and those born into money get it handed to them. But in the end though, I feel better about it knowing I took my own horses, trained them myself, moved up the levels myself and provided for myself. Some day I'll make it. I couldn't afford a trainer, so thats why I didnt have one, but I'm just going to have to be short on funds rather than loll around with no certain direction. I've done pretty well on my own, but a coach does wonders, espechially now with all the jumping problems I am having.

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  5. Good luck on the groomer position. I have a friend who works at Petsmart as a groomer and she had to go away to school for four weeks I think . . . I don't know if you'll be able to do that with your classes. I hope you can because working in the food industry totally sucks!!

    I'm sure you'll figure it all out. I know it totally sucks that money is holding you back, but do try to enjoy what you have and where you are. You've worked so hard for it and done so well. This is just a road block and you will get through it. Try to be patient and remember to have fun because that's what it's all about.

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