I Am A Cetacean

This past week I had a few discouraging rides on le ponyface.

The disheartening feelings weren't a product of the Yankee being a brat, but from my lack of efficient riding.

I've noticed lately with more intense rides I get tired quickly and I'm quite sore the next day. This rarely has happened in the past, and it was like a slap in the face that the whale has beached again.

That whale being myself.

Not only does my ass hang over the saddle flap but I can't even sit the trot for 3 minutes.

I'm not fat by any means...just...chuzzy.

And out of shape. Like, I am a circle.

In college I had a multimillion $$ gym that I had access to everyday. And actually used. I was hot and in beast mode shape.

That, however, was almost 2 years ago and since I am too poor to afford a gym membership my only means of actual exercise is the barn and all the chores that entails and the lackluster riding I have done in the last few years. I rarely kick my own butt at home with do-it-yourself- workouts because couch.

Not exactly conducive to a rockin ridin bod.

However, NO MORE.

It took a horrible ride on Tuesday to make me realize that this is shit. And it sucks. I can't even get my horse to collect anymore and there is no actual extensions in his trot because I can't set him up for it.

I didn't do us any favors with the way I rode over winter either. Sure he got worked 3-5 times a week depending on the weather. But the rides were barely 30 minutes and never included intense work. I'm still stuck in his "baby" OTTB brain phase when he can't handle more than 20 minutes of work but he is an adult and we are eventers.

Time to ride like we mean it.

The first show is May 10. I have about 6 weeks? I don't math.

So I bit the bullet and signed up for a month with a personal trainer. Because like I said, I am lazy and have been perpetually for about 2 years. I need a good ass kicking so that my ass is beautiful again.

The ride I had on Friday made me feel TONS better about this season though.

I set up a cool course with a tough diagonal line-vertical, 2 strides to skinny (VERY SKINNY) 2 strides to corner, and outside lines- one was a 1 stride (verticals) 2 strides to a wide oxer, the other outside line was all verticals, 2 stride, bending 2. It was wonderful!!

He was ON POINT the whole time.

It helped WonderWoman warmed him up with her magic.

DAT TROT DOH

Then I hopped on to learn her jump warm up (start long low, then collect, then extend) and popped him over a few fences.

He felt great so I moved on to my main focus...the skinny.

First I left the pole on top and the standards close. He jumped it no problem. Didn't bat an eye or question it.

Then I jumped it at an angle both directions. Still-nailed it. No question. Wut.

 Then I moved the standards away a little bit further on each side. Again. Awesome.

Lastly, I moved the standards close again but took off the top pole. He asked me about a stride out "Am I really?...OK"...And jumped it dead center. I was impressed. I thought for sure he would duck out at some point but  he never did!

Prelim skinnies here we come!

We did the whole course a few times with pretty bitchin lead changes and only one rail. This made me happy panda.

Maybe one day soon he can reach Spirit (AKA WonderPony) status and jump 2 barrels in a row upright with no pole or standards!

We will see :D

Eat Your Veggies

Do you ever feel like your horse isn't getting "enough"?

I've spent years perfecting Yankee's grain and feed schedule to the point where its effective and what he needs, but still affordable.

He eats 14% protein grain with min 9% fat in addition to 4 flakes of grass and 1-2 flakes alfalfa a day in winter. That decreases to 2 flakes in summer of grass and 1 alfalfa.

This has worked for us.

Mostly.

He needs just a liiiitle extra, in my "professional" opinion.

And by professional, I mean I know my horse and his workload and even if I feed him more grain he still wouldn't be getting that little extra he needs.

Enter Smartpak.

My all time favorite company in existence ever.

Seriously the best.

I've been a loyal customer to them for years now (probably around 9) and take great joy in using their products. Mainly, smartpaks.

They've made it much easier in the past few years to compare products and change smartpaks. SO EASY.

Every season I tweak Yankee's pak just a little.

Recently, I just played around with his "Show season" smartpak and added a few things I've never tried.

I always always have "Smarthoof" for the biotin for his feets and hair growth (seriously a HUGE difference). I don't do farrier's formula because I cannot pay an arm and a leg, thus why i LOVE the "compare"button. Helps you sort through product ingredients and decide which s best for you!

I also ALWAYS have "SmartFlex Maintenance" for his joints and tendons. A must have for any horse in work. I want longevity in my beast!

Over the winter I added "Gleam & Gain Supreme 60" and "Mirra Coat" for his coat and helping maintain his weight.

I took off Mirra coat for summer even though I always worry about his summer coat getting bleached. The ingredients were a little redundant with Glean & Gain and I wanted the high fat content vs the omega's in Mirra. I think I will add Chia seeds to his grain instead (little less  expensive) since my barn-mate has had great success with it and we can buy bulk here in town!

I added "Tract-Guard" as I always do for summertime. He has had ulcers in the past from racing and this seems to just coat his belly a little more and aid in never getting them again!

Lastly, I played around with the compare button to decide on a Vit E and Sel. supplement. In the past I've just gone with the straight Vit E and S from smartpak but with cost being an issue and the fact that his tripping doesn't occur very much anymore, I opted to choose a more all around vitamin that is chock full of good stuff. Its called "Ultra-Elite-Pro-Form" and I feel a little better about it knowing our soil and hay is not of great quality around here.

So, I have his joints (Smartflex), feets (Smarthoof), coat (Glean & Gain), and inner body (tract-guard, Ultra Elite) all covered!

Overall, I pay around $70-$88 depending on the season. Pretty sweet deal if you ask me and they're really easy to add!

Does anyone else use smartpaks? Do you love them as much as I do?!

Summer Dreaming

I have always loathed summer with a passion.

I hate sweating. My hair refuses to hair. I'm terrified of thunderstorms. And in the past 5 years it has been miserably boring since I had summers off from school and nothing to do but veg on the couch and occasionally slave at work.

Now though, since I am almost a a real adult, I've noticed more hateful feelings towards winter and the obscene cold and the effects it has on my commute. My feelings towards summer have changed. I'm beginning to become attracted to idea of it. Can I deal with the heat and humidity? Perhaps with working AC maybe.

I just want to go fishing. And swim. And back roading. And drink by the river. And lay out. And spend summer nights with friends. And wear shorts. And tank tops. And go to parks. Go on walks. Be skinny. Be tan. Be warm.

But mostly, I'm looking forward to shows.

I WANT RIBBONS.

Sure, it'll be hot and gross, but I think I can deal.

I've noticed myself daydreaming about all the horrible things about shows and LOOKING FORWARD TO IT. I've caught myself wishing I was in a truck driving endless hours down a hot highway headed to a show. Braiding at the late hours of the night. Sweating profusely on XC walks. The anxiousness before our test. The endless waiting around. The cost of hotels.

I WANT IT ALL.

I also, of course, in true tack whore fashion, dream about updates to my already extensive collection. None of which  I NEED (with the exception of new tall boots. Srly, mine are ripped in half) but of course, WANT.

And my imaginary schedule is PACKED so far. XC schooling at the end of this month. Then a dressage show in April with Jessie. Then Longview at the beginning of May. Then Queeny. Then everything else. ALL THE SHOWS ALL OF THEM.

 Dying inside knowing how much these shows cost, but YOLO you know?

Want dis.

Anyone else ready for the fuckery that is the flip flop temps to end and all the mud, rain and hair shedding that is spring to turn the corner??

I know I am.

What are everyone's plans so far? Shows? Training goals?

P.S. Thank you for all the congrats-I am more than stoked :D

I Was Obsessed With TBs Before It Was Cool

Ever since my 4 year old brain knew horses existed, I have been absolutely smitten with the thoroughbred.

Before I knew what breeds were, I knew I loved those giant shiny beasts that galloped down the track. And I wanted one. Bad.

Then I got older and learned how to read. Along with Harry Potter, I read the "Thoroughrbed" series. Yes, it was a thing. Magical, if you will. It followed a girl named Ashleigh and her career as a jockey then branched off to her daughter and all their friends with the thoroughbreds.

It was decided. I would have a TB someday.

Then for my 10th b-day I got a bratty little bitch pony named Dolly and I loved her more than anything. She did anything I wanted-with attitude. She taught me everything there was to know about horses and ownership. Especially how to sit a buck. But she was no TB.

As I slowly outgrew her, I began looking for an actual horse. I begged my parents to let me get a TB, but no, they're too expensive.

One day, I found an ad in the classifieds (YES THE NEWSPAPER) for an Anglo-Arab. My horse obsessed 12 year old mind instantly snapped back to the articles and pictures I had seen of AA jumping grand prix and I latched on to the idea that he would be mine. Half a TB is better than none right?

After much begging harassing, I convinced my parents and I became the proud owner of a half TB. (Spirit, the Wonder Pony, RIP).

Soon though, as any child does, I grew. And grew and grew some more.

I sadly had outgrown my two wondrous ponies (I still owned Dolly too) for sure this time and was on the prowl for a bigger horse.

Wiser and older at 14, I schemed. This was my moment. My time.

TBs are big. I was told I could get a big horse.

THOROUGHBRED. MUST. HAVE.

But I knew my parents didn't want to spend a whole lot on a new horse, since I already had a collection and you know how horses are....expensive.

So with my little knowledge of the world wide web, I logged onto my dial up with a mission. Find. Thoroughbred.

So in this google thing I typed "cheap racehorse" and somehow stumbled upon New Vocations.

AKA HEAVEN.

I prowled. And I found.

I found the Yankee.

HE WAS THE ONE.

Instantly, and literally mean literally instantly, I was in love. Love at first sight. Head over heels. Had to own. Must acquire.

It took all of 2 days to convince my mother that this was the horse for me. Not only was he big, black and beautiful but he was CHEAP. She fell in love too. NO CONVINCING NEEDED.

We went and saw him the next day, swooned hard and came back later to pick him up.

It all happened so fast that my dad was a little confused about how and when a 3rd horse appeared in his yard.

Where is this all going, you ask?

Where my years of loving, dreaming, obsessing and riding Thoroughbreds has gotten me.

I feel like I've loved them before anyone else, and I know its not true, but the popularity of the OTTB in particular has exploded in the last 5 years. 3 girls at my barn have them now ( I blame Yankee and his charm ;)), all the event riders want them and they're all anyone seems to be talking about in my sport, especially on insta and twitter.

While in the past (after aquiring Yankee) I continued to stalk OTTBs, I have been avoiding New Vactions page as of late because I am broke.

(I JUST WANT ALL THE OTTBS OKAY)

On that fateful day in February though, I logged on and first thing I saw was an advert to become an ambassador. The deadline was in a week and I was like, UH THIS IS ME. I talk OTTB constantly to anyone who will listen...I needed this in my life.

A few of you asked what my secret video was about. I didn't want to tell anyone in case we didntt get it, but I was applying to be the 2014 National Eventing New Vocations Embassador.

Mediocre video aside, they apparently liked my submission because I WAS SELECTED TO REPRESENT THE OTTB IN THE SPORT OF EVENTING.

Whatwhatwhat?!?

I almost peed my pants with happiness because I thought I was taking a shot in the dark and didn't have a chance.

Now we get tons of OTTB swag and we get to OFFICIALLY rep the OTTB at shows around the midwest. (As well as share photos and videos on their page and write blog posts for NV)

I. Am. So. Pumped about this opportunity and cannot wait to start!

More than a decade owning my big beautiful boy and I get to brag, officially, about how amazing he really is.

GAH!

#OTTBSwag

Beastmode, Engage

I realize its taken me a coons age to update everyone on the show last friday (wow,  almost a week ago) but you know how horse show hangover goes, then add on there about a thousand hours of late night work AND moving (yes, I moved. To a house. A real one!) AND not having a real computer....

I was going to put a GIF here but I can't figure how with no computer FML I WANTED A GIF.

So. Horse show hangover was bad. Like worse than usual. And it wasn't even the normal three day show. My trailer is still packed with shit and I only rode twice this week.

And Yankee did this...

COME ON YANKEE FOR FUCKS SAKE

Awkward bell boot is awkward

Yes, that IS a coronet band cut. No, its not too horrible. Still. WTF.

But mostly horse show hangover. I do not recommend going to a show that STARTS at 5 pm. I've done it twice and both times it ends with me chugging 34oz of coffee at 11pm. Mostly I was proud though... because YANKEE WAS AWESOME SAUCE!!

Seriously though, I almost cried I was so proud of my horse.

I, of course, fucked up my first two classes because apparently I can't remember jumper courses for shit. I intentionally entered the classes with no jump offs, but apparently at this show in the "power and speed classes" the "jump off" fences in the other class are PART of your course, and they are the timed ones....what the fuck right.

Never heard of that.

So it took me two classes to get acclimated.

But then, we BEASTED. We won every class after that, including the Jumper Classic.

Yankee was on point all night. I can't even explain it. He rated when I asked, jumped with knees and galloped like the wind and turned on a dime. He even beat the quick QHs and big WBs!!

Everyone noticed him, which I think is in part to his clip, but also because (and yes I AM bragging) he is a boss.

I didn't get any pictures...yet, but I do have video of the Classic round HERE and the jump-off in the classic HERE. I believe it was only 3'3-3'6 which was disappointing since I like to win over bigger stuff, but STILLTHEMOSTHAPPY.

We even won a saddle pad! I've never won a pad before. I was super excited. Hastag horse swag.

Our next show is April 6th, dressage, then mid April we will go XC schooling in prep for Queeny in May!! Happy show season is finally turning the corner.

Much Horse. So Wow.

Yet again, another duo ride between me and German Jessie. Yankee got his butt WORKED.

"You fucking humans and your ratchet shit and saddles and riding and things and dog."

 Which is good because I mean, he is an eventer. He should be used to long schools and double disciplines.

Contrary to our last ride, he was very compliant and actually made some progress from last time. I got some stellar still shots since I am still trying to compile a video for something I am applying for (not going well by the way. I am technologically retarded on some levels).

Not only was he compliant, but he was WAY more chill for the flatwork. I was setting up the jumps and videoing so I wasn't paying too close attention but I know Jessie was working on half-pass and transitions as well as the extended trot. 2 of those 3 things I cannot get my horse to do...like, at all.

German training man.

Like...what are this? Is that...collection and impulsion?

Oh my god is that...impulsion? extended trot? Is he....not on the forehand? For once?

Oh look he's actually picking up his fucking legs

Ugh. Bitch. I kind of hate her.

Oh hai look I can flick my toes

I can sidepass too bitch

What what human  look at my legs. Look at them.

JK I LOVE HER LOOK WHAT SHE DOES TO MY BEAST HE IS PERF

Video link for her flat work with Yanks is HERE

SO thats pretty cool. I wish I could ride him that way. MUST. LEARN. BETTER. DRESSAGE. HOW. TO.

Then I hopped on to jump him and I was like....

......I did not got this.

I think we crashed through the vertical at least 10 times. And it was barely 3'3. I mean I know verticals are our nemisis but seriously, a 3'3 vertical? Yankee. How many times must I remind you, YOU ARE TWELVE. Not 4. PICK YO DAMN LEGS UP FOO'

And Yankee was like...

Please Yankee? I'll ask nicely.

Yankee was like....

I really didnt want to come down to it, but I busted out the dressage whip. And just held it there. He knew I had it but still was like...

                                                             ....Yankee get it together!

I collected his canter, came around to the vertical and then I did what I never ever wanted to ever have to do to my horse...I hit him as hard as I could on the shoulder with that whip.  And guess what. He jumped it just fine.

And the time after that.

and that.

and that.

I hate to admit, but sometimes they all just need a reminder...but I still felt bad using such a harsh reminder. But seriously, he has been jumping for YEARS and a 3'3 vertical should be no issue. What was bothering me was his intentional laziness. I wish you could see the video of him not even picking up his legs. He literally telling me to fuck off and it infuriates me!

Luckily, besides the vertical, he was jumping very well and hopefully the jumper show friday will go well.

The first is 3'9 and the second is 3'6 and he was on point over the oxers. Almost over jumping, so at least I can count on his exuberance over the bigger fences. Damn verticals.


Wish us luck Friday...supposed to snow AND I'm braving this show alone...eeek.

Video link for me jumping Yanks is HERE

Much German Training

A few days ago Yankee got the crackdown on his dressage fuckery.

Lately, he's been an asshole on the flat. Not in  a "I'm-being-a-bad-horse-because-I'm bad-and-I-hate-you" but more the "I'm-being-a-douche-because-I'm-lazy" and its been driving me bananas.

I realize he's been off for the greater part of 5 weeks, but that is no excuse to not brain and pretend you have the dumb. The newest evasive measure has been sideways dancing and head-tossing while running away. Classic OTTB.

It seems every movement, transition, or bend I ask of him is just too momentous for him.

 But instead of doing the simple task of say, a canter transition, he wastes more energy evading my aids and not doing what I ask. Horse logic.

I needed to enroll him in remedial dressage and fast. He no longer gets the benefit of me saying "oh he's just a babay and he used to race so its okay that his mind is a little wandering". He. Is. 12.

I just so happen to have the bestest riding buddies around, and my friend Jessie came to the rescue.

She is currently horseless and extremely badass at dressage (she's been in a few posts before, mostly helping me dressage), so I tend to beg her to come ride my bipolar beasty often. Especially when he's intent on convincing me he doesn't know anything.

She got on him & he immediately began with his shenanigans. I figured he would. I got it all on video. But am too ashamed to show you the crooked, head tossing, sidestepping, ewe-necked hot mess that is my stoopid horse.

While she worked his ass off (literally), I sat there mesmerized, watching the cogs in his brain turn over. Its SO COOL to SEE a horse think through the problem. He wanted to do what she asked, but he also DIDN'T want to. So conflicting. Being a horse is hard.

Exibit A, 20m circle. Simple enough right? WRONG.

Luckily Jessie has more patience than I do and worked him a solid 30 minutes just on being straight through a circle and PICKING UP those legs. She even whipped out the ole "stick as a crop" trick...

With a lot of patience and even more lateral work....

She got him to relaaaaax and step under himself like I've NEVER seen my thoroughbred step. Like...what are this. Is he a Warmblood disguised as a mediocre OTTB dressage horse?

I was like "Jessie, you can ride my horse better than me and I hate you. But. He looks amazing. That frame!! How do you do that/ LEARN ME". And her response was only "Much German training".

It made me laugh because its so true! The germans are very particular about their training but DAMN do they get results.