Monday, October 28, 2013

Stupid Human Tricks

First off, this is my 360th post, woot woot, even number!

I'm very appreciative of all my compliments, readers and advice givers that read the bullshit that is my rambling. I'm sorry I hardly ever answer anyone's commentary! I rarely am home to use my computer and answer all comments, and my app doesn't let me comment from my phone! UGH!

There's no easy way to start this post. I should've named it "Tales of an overconfident daredevil stupidface rider" cuz that was me Friday.

I fell off for the first time in over a year. It WAS by choice, but still, an exceptionally ungraceful emergency dismount.

I blame Instagram.

I LOVE instagram. Like seriously, I am on it at least 3 times daily, scrolling through the feed, looking at all the pretty pictures. Especially all the cool ones. Like bareback and tackless jumping.

I LOVE looking at other riders and their horses, and I love getting new ideas from them! Jump ideas, training tips, etc etc.

I decided friday I would work on bareback jumping (totally easy for me) and dabble in some tackless jumping, because you know, YOLO.

I was alone, so I spent a good portion of 30 minutes setting up standards just right so I could video myself, like a total loser.

My plan was to warm up over some fences bareback, attempt a few without reins then go full tackless. It started off seriously amazing. We were in sync...

..He was jumping nicely....

And I never once slipped around...

..good right?

So I dropped the reins and practiced steering and stopping with my legs and seat. WONDERFUL. I was like, so connected with my horse.

 so then I popped him over the barrels twice with no bridle, no saddle and I was all like

you know, all overconfident and conceited like.

Then I pointed him at the oxer...

I sat back, said whoa and he stopped and was like, this is weird but I can get down with this.

So of course what did I have to go do the next time?

NO hands, no tack, duh.


Yeah. He did not approve of that slick move.

He landed, bucked and BOLTED.


Luckily he stayed within the confines of the arena but I was HAULING on the "oh shit" neck strap and whoahing like my life depended on it (oh, right, it did). I contemplated steering him into a corner with my legs, but was absolutely sure he would attempt to jump it. And there's a massive drop on the other side AND electric wiring.

I don't  know if you've ever been on a horse that has decided running and never stopping is the right idea, but it is like attempting to stop a freight train. Literally impossible. Especially one who used to race and currently was wearing only a neck strap.

So on lap 3 of mad fucking gallop of death, I decided it would be best to risk breaking a bone and bail, than almost certainly die on pissed bolting thoroughbred.  I mustered up all my courage, and bailed. I pushed away as hard as I could but I was sure he was going to trample me to death anyways

Have you ever fallen in slo-mo?

I'm pretty sure thats what happened to me, as I fell I contemplated what made me decide riding like this was a grand idea. And then I hit the ground very hard. And then I laid there, not able to breathe, certain I broke all of my ribs on my left side, and maybe my hip.

Of course Yankee stops immediately and looks at me like,

Its safe to say I will never attempt to jump tackless with  no hands never again. I KNEW he didn't like that move, even fully clothed so I'm really not sure what mad eme do it. I'll plead insanity for now.

Don't judge me.

Fully recovered from getting the wind knocked out of me, I threw on some tack, dug sand out of my butt and jumped right back on. You must. Strangely after my brush with death I was not shaken, merely, ashamed of my stupidity.

At least I got back on.

So I will leave you (all shaking your heads) with this picture of Yankee's ass.


  1. So awesome, except the falling off of course;)

  2. Haha, at least your dismount was voluntary. The one time I rode bareback and brideless (with NO neckstrap) in the pasture my horse bolted into the forest and I got knocked off by a tree branch, lol. I think if I had a neckstrap I could have regained control... Anyways, my face was black and blue for weeks. Never again will I ride bareback and brideless outside an arena (ok, well maybe except for at the beach, that's always been a dream of mine). You live and learn! Pictures are awesome by the way :)

  3. Haha, what an adventure. I'm impressed you tried it--pretty sure I would never even have thought of it.

  4. But what a fine ass it is! Haha

    Anyways, glad you're okay, and the pictures are pretty fucking cool!!

  5. Sorry but I was cracking up reading this! How do horses have such innate abilities to prove us all to be dumbasses right when we're in our glory moments?

    Love the clip job!

  6. ahhaha...too funny. Don't quit just yet! Next time, make sure someone is at least there with you!

  7. your the one that put a checkered flag on his butt, he was just trying to qualify ;) I kinda hate that you are brave enough to even attempt what you did, Glad all ended well, but I agree, maybe only ride a tackless wonder with others present...

  8. Does this mean you didn't get the bailing on video??? :-P

    Glad you didn't get hurt. You got some seriously impressive photos first!!!

    I bailed off Ozzy bareback, bridleless (and helmetless... IT WAS A PHOTO SHOOT!!!) when I first got him. He had bolted and I figured I'd be less likely to die if I chose when to get off. I did land on my feet. Unfortunately, I dislocated my ankle. Whoops...

  9. Yikes! I'm glad you're okay and that you got back on. :D I"m with the others though. I couldn't help laughing. Crazy Yankee! I also would never have the guts to do that.