We Are All Mad Here

Last week, equestrian wise, was extremely unproductive. I did a lot of grown people things, like commute, work in my adorable cubicle prison, joined a gym (I'm now a douchey crossfitter), did things, and made a huge pot of chili. Did not ride once. Mostly due to the weather, half due to Yankee being footsore, and the other half just plain laziness/extreme sleepiness.

In addition, I have been battling it out with Blogger and this is as good as its gonna get for now. I THINK the problem is you can't copy and paste. If you do, it gives the words a lovely white aura, or won't show up at all.

 I've been systematically screaming and pulling my hair out after switching templates, fussing with code, retyping on a different computer and switching browsers.

Wence the weekend came, I planned to ride all 3 days but the ponies had different ideas. All of them were absolutely, 100%, clinically insane. I wish their brains had literally fallen out of their skulls because then they would have been medically excused from the fuckery. Lilly was way off base from her normal chill self. Bacardi, I’m pretty sure was faking extreme lameness, and Yankee forgot how be an adult horse.

I attempted to ride the thoroughbreds Saturday. Attempted being the key word.

 Bacardi was looking exceptional, and I was excited to finally do work with him after 6 days off. Normal warm-up routine, walking around for 10 min, stretching, changing directions. I asked for the trot and instantly felt him feel just ever so off. It went away when I changed direction so I shrugged it off.  Hadn’t been worked in a while and it was chilly out. Then I changed direction again. Yep. There was the mysterious, 3 legged lameness. 

Even The Boy could tell he was off. Where though, was the QOD. I had him video to help pinpoint mystery lameness, but to no avail. After watching the video over and over I honestly could not pinpoint ANYTHING. Palpated all lower extremities, ass and back. Nothing. Wasn’t lame to the left, or the walk. WTF Bacardi.

No issues to the left in particular

So what does any white girl do? Take a poll on social media. I hit up the insta world asking if anyone could pinpoint the issue after watching a short 15 sec clip.. Most agreed with me that while it initially seemed like LF, when he switched directions it was obviously RH or hip hitch.

Conclusion, not sure. But I have a feeling he was being a motherfaker about it all because I definitely saw him frolicking in the pasture yesterday. Complete with galloping, vivacious trotting and massive bucking leaps.

At least he makes pretty pictures

Yankee was not much better than the last time I rode him, either. If anything he just stayed steady on his nonsensical route to making me hate him. Last time he forgot how to canter, and trot and be normal in every way. Saturday was essentially the same, just with more sideways fuckery and head tossing. I don’t even. After fighting with him for over 15 minutes I gave up when we got a clean and mostly relaxed walk to trot transition. Ridiculous. Yankee, YOU ARE ALMOST A TEENAGER.

Basically pulling my arms out

I feel like the horses are plotting against my eventual mental breakdown by trading off playing lame and acting a fool.

Switching gears and trying to forget that insanity we planned to ride Sunday. The Boy and I headed out to trail ride again since the weather was a wonderful combination of sunny and chilly.

The day started off with a bang and with a mild heart palpation. When we loaded up, Lilly followed The Boy through the escape door of the trailer. Mind you, that is for HUMANS, and not equids. I still don’t understand WHY she followed him and HOW she didn’t get mangled. She has one small cut on her ankle, but that’s it. 

I don’t think I will recover from watching her hulk/fall her way through that small door and thinking, “Well, my boyfriend is gonna die because this horse, that ISNT MINE is going to squash him and I’m going to have to call his mom and tell her her son died by horse and call her owner and tell him that his horse bled to death falling out of a trailer and murdering someone. Cool”.

That was a bit intense & uncalled for.

NO RAGRATS HOOMIN GIRL

It did not end there though. Lilly had a stick up her ass the whole day and spent most of the time trying to bolt, or falling over. Apparently rebelling against me and the direction I wanted her to go was more compelling than staying upright and on all four feet. She would lock her neck and jaw and refuse to go where I asked and would then sideways run the complete opposite direction and then fall, literally fall, into the thorny scrub brush. Generally regarding mud and water patches; where before she would lackadaisically amble through mud and water. It was really fun for me.

Luckily, Yankee was an angel with The Boy and I had no worries in that department. Complete opposite from last Sunday (Yankee was a jerk and Lilly was perfect).  Its like they switched personalities. The Boy even half galloped up a really steep hill with The Pants and seemed to enjoy it! Minus Lilly being an asshole, it WAS a really fine day out, and I always enjoy rides, no matter how rude the horses are.

And at least they make for an adorable couple, especially if their humans are wearing matching plaid.

So here I am, on Tuesday night, exhausted already from the weeks activities (Will I ever adjust. How do people do this in real life. Are you all robots.), having not ridden AGAIN since Sunday, wondering if my horse(s) will be sound and unbroken tomorrow.

I might have a sliver of time before the sun goes to bed to ride one of the two and I am dying to know if B's lameness was a fluke from a pasture romp or back soreness due to all the long an low stuff.

(Sorry if some of the words are missing in various places, blogger ate them because it hates me)

Stay tuned.