Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Oh This Will Not Do

Let me start off with a disclaimer. I am insanely grateful for everything in my life. I try not to take any of it for granted, as you never know when it will be gone. There are people that have it much worse, and I am very aware. VERY aware. But I am on the struggle bus. In fact, I think I'm driving it. TOOT TOOT, all aboard.

But really, what is new? My life for the last since 6 years has been a shitstorm and I've accepted that this is just life. Adulting will never get easier. I'm really new to it. SOme of you have got the hang of it by now, but I'm just over here like "halp". As some say, life sucks and then you die.

I try to think of it a wee bit more positively, but I will say that I am feeling the pressure.  Sometimes it gets slightly trying.

The not getting chores done, feeling rushed all the time, barely eating, rarely sleeping is semi okay with me. Its the riding once or twice every 8 to 11 days thats starting to really wear on me.

I'm LOVING every ride we've had lately, its just so intermittent. It literally makes me want to cry thinking about it. Like, I've had this horse almost a year now and we've been to exactly zero shows and done a whole lot of nothing.

Generally, I blame my work schedule.

Who in the hell thinks its a good idea to start at 10ish AM? Thats smack dab in the middle of the best daylight hours. Not to mention my commute is RIDICULOUS.

A small taste into my world if you care...

4:45 AM: rise and shine betch
5:15 AM: feed the creatures
5:30 AM-5:55AM: Drive to gym
6AM-7 AM: get my WOD on
7AM- 7:35 AM: drive home
eat at some point, maybe
lay out clothes, pack lunch, do stalls, clean chicken coop, etc
8:15 AM tack up
8:25 AM- 8:45AM: ride (but not really do much because time)
scurry to untack
9:10 AM: maybe shower, maybe get life together
9: 25 AM: leave for work
10:15 AM: sit ass in chair, begin work
7 PM: end work
7:15 PM-8PM: driving home
8:15 PM feed animals, do stalls etc etc
9:15 PM bed
lay awake until 11.


Don't event think about a social life.

Scratch riding if it raining, which it has been for the last WEEK. Or if I'm working OT (8AM-7PM T/Th to help PAY for the damn horses) Also I'm not very motivated to hack my horse down the road every other day because that does a whole lot of nothing over time but make both of us equally as bored. I need circles, I need jumps, I need something.

He really liked his BOT pad...that we've used the last 2 weeks
It is the epitome of a first world problem, but I'm going to bitch about it because I have an amazing horse and no time to work with him.

It is BEYOND frustrating. I'm always tired. Nothing gets done (like literally nothing). No time to read blogs, or blog in general. I keep forgetting to do important things like fill my car up with gas. I think I forgot to wash my hair 3 days in a row once last week. My horse doesn't get ridden. His topline is completely gone. The barn is a mess. I'm wondering what the point to all of this is. Essentially I need the job to have a horse. I need to live where I do to have a horse. But those two things are making it impossible to ride said horse.

I feel like this would ALL get fixed if my work schedule was 8 AM to 5 PM since those are like, normal hours. But theres no way to change it. So its like, I either have this amazing horse in my field and maybe ride him once every week or so, or I sell the thing and enjoy nothing else outside of work. Either way, rather miserable.

Not to mention the to-do list outside of my equine and work life is getting scary and I keep just shoving it  in my bag hoping it will disappear.

Some days I wake up and I'm like

But by then end of the day after going hard for 16 hours I'm just like

And thats how it goes. And I literally don't know how to fix it. So thats my bitchfest for now. Sorry.

Monica out.


  1. Eeeeesh. Yeah, not sure how to help ya sister. Just absorb all the fun times with the pony when you have them!

  2. If only the lottery was easier to win :)

  3. I get you. 100%. Add 3 kids and disabled parents living with you to the mix. Life sucks as an adult.

  4. In the same boat, sista.
    Want to keep my horses in full work so bad, but it's just really really really hard. Adulting sucks.

  5. Same boat here too. Adulting does suck. Bad footing, wet wet wet rain wet, no arena, job that requires overtime, and add the fact that my current boarding situation is with a friend I'd hate to lose or offend by leaving. BLEH.

  6. I hear you on this. Living 1 hour + from the barn does not help matters at all either! The start-stop-start training of a young TB truly bums me out and I feel like I owe my horse more than that. Hopefully we can get back on track soon and I hope you can too! Btw, have you thought about hiring someone to do the morning chores 2-3 days a week so you can just get up and ride? We run our barn like a co-op so shared responsibilities amongst three people, but we recently hired a girl who is a working student nearby to muck, feed and turnout a few mornings and it's really nice to be able to pay her to cover one of my muck shifts so I can just show up and ride! Just a thought, not sure if there's anyone nearby that could help you out etc and I know it's $$ but working to ride and not being able to ride really sucks too!

  7. Skip the gym? Seems that would free up a solid 2 hours with drive time+ gym time. Then you could sleep in and ride every morning. Maybe go to a different gym on lunch hour instead if you really need to gym.

    1. I have exactly 30 minutes for lunch. Even packing, I can barely eat in that time. Let alone get to a gym and back. As I said before, gym is when it's dark and horses couldn't be ridden anyways because of digesting. Sleeping in is not an option. I wouldn't gain anything, I would lose available time to do things.
      Not working out doesn't help anything either. It's important to stay healthy and active, especially because I sit 8 hours a day at work. I value fitness, strength and being healthy. It helps riding too.

  8. Think about what you really want in life ad focus on that. Sometimes that means giving up things we love even if its only temporary in order to have the life we want in the future. Can you work out at home? Can you ride in the evening after work? There are always solutions, just look in places you wouldn't expect to find them. Hang in there.

    1. No I can't I get home and it gets dark about 40 minutes later. Solid suggestion. And no I can't work it at home and actually get a good workout in. Solid suggestions. Trust me I've thought of it. Also gym is when it's still dark out and the horses are suggesting. I wouldn't really gain anything working out here, in fact I would lose

    2. No I can't work out at home**

  9. I know how you feel. I need to get my ass to the gym in the morning though. I get off at 5, go clean stalls and feed ponies, ride, and sometimes make it home by 8:30 to try and feed myself and shower and socialize (haha). My roomate just recently got fired and DOES NOTHING all day and parties all night. I kind of hate her. Especially when she bitches about wanting me to help her clean, ect. Like bitch you do nothing all day!

  10. I feel you!! Working full time and overtime sucks!! I get up at six, feed animals, eat breakfast, get to work by eight, get home by six, shower, feed animals, cook supper, eat, clean house (sometimes), go to bed by nine. It sucks!! I could probably find time to ride in the evening but I'm always so tired!! Then I spend every weekend catching up on all the housework that doesn't get done. Also it rains every freaking weekend for months!!!! The south is drowning! :-( Sorry you're having the same problem. I feel you. If it were me I would drop the gym but I totally understand why you can't. I wish you could afford to buy a personal home gym so you could save on driving time hehe. Fingers crossed you find a solution to the problem!!