Wednesday, December 14, 2016

I Haven't Died...

....but I sure feel like I did.

Without trying to sound all woe is me (but it will probably happen anyways)...2016 decided to go out with a bang and I spent the majority of the last month sick as fuck, drowning in grad school finals, loathing the haters online who can't grasp that selling a horse is an actual thing, car problems, work problems, dealing with some insane vertigo that rendered me incapacitated and mentally trying to cope with selling off one of the few things I love in this life after ALSO splitting with my longtime boyfriend and coming to grips with the single life...

I literally rode twice. TWICE. And one of those times was an absolute disaster. I don't even know if I can recap it, it was so bad. I cried in my car for like half an hour afterwards. It was one of those rides..

It truly seemed like life was just like, here ya go

And I just conceded and was  like, okay, gimme your worst, lets just make these next 4 weeks completely miserable and then we will be good for another year.

Luckily, I have amazing friends that kept B in work while I delt with life rather poorly (aka binge drinking a decent amount, sleeping a lot and rewatching Greys Anatomy--there are like 11 seasons, in case you didn't know.)

So now that I have fully recovered from that load of SHIT, I can say that I am ready to tackle the last two weeks in this year (L-oh-fucking-L), I'm in great spirits (honestly), and gracefully dip into 2017.

I have come to grips with the reality of losing my sweet B, and the reasons why it has to be done. I Am fine with this, and I am ready to move on now. Life is grand, and there are WAY worse things.
I love christmas, and I LOVE all of you who were so supportive on my announcement post a month ago. I'm sorry I haven't really kept up on reading blogs, but you all are awesome.

So, despite the freezing fucking cold, I am ready to ride again. Mentally and physically.

V & Yanks yesterday
Hopefully we can hit up a few jumpers shows this winter and possibly get him to a recognized show, because apparently people give two shits about your horse if you never had to money to showcase him at a rated show. LOLZ. But until someone comes along, I am not letting him go.


  1. I've been dead. I didn't know you were selling. but best of luck. it happens, sometimes it is the way more responsible choice than keeping. every suasion is different.

    But I am not sure why you always receive so much hate. I hope you don't stop with posts or pictures. I enjoy what you share. Best of luck to you and B.

  2. It always baffles me when someone says they need to sell and a bunch of people jump on them saying they can't/shouldn't.

    Look. It's nice those people can afford everything in their life all the time, but finances are a real thing and so is being young and poor and yeah, it sucks, but that doesn't change reality.

    You're not the only one I've seen it happen to. Hang in there.

    1. Like, unless you wanna give me the money to keep this horse in the fashion to which he has become accustomed, how about you shut your damn mouths?!

      Thinking of you, M! What doesn't kill you will give you one hell of an iron will.

  3. Bleh. I'm sorry everything turned to shit all at once. I'm glad you made it through and are ready to get back at it. And that's a great pic of V and Yankee

  4. It really sucks that everything shit the bed all at once! Sending you the best of wishes! You've been missed.

  5. feel better! and also people really need to fuck off about having to keep a horse forever. theyre not like dogs or cats.

  6. Oof. I was wondering when we would get a Monica update. I was hoping for a happier one, but I am just glad that you are on the upswing. Hopefully the perfect person will come along and love B, regardless of recognized show experience or not.

  7. I'm very sorry everything has been so awful. Hopefully that means you're due for lots of excellent, very good things happening.

  8. Ughhh that is a lot of life shit to go down. It's super hard to ignore the haters but you gotta keep your head above it all. Good vibes your way.

  9. What a shitty time! I hope you have an extra lovely Christmas to make up for it.

  10. Sounds like 2016 has been super crap for a lot of people. Hang in there, 2017 has to be better!

  11. So sorry you're going through all of this at once! Glad you're feeling better, hope the perfect home for B comes along soon.

  12. Missed your blog! Glad you're back... though life needs to not and just leave you alone.

  13. I've never sold a horse, but from the (very little) I've seen, it really fucking sucks. I hope the perfect person finds B soon <3

  14. You're beautiful, smart, kind and just an all around amazing person. And I'm not saying that just cause I'm your adopted mom, it's all true. Don't let shitty people get you down. You are so above them and their hate. We just have to have pity for those people because imagine how miserable they must be. Take 2017 by the balls and kick it's ass like I know you can.

  15. I've been thinking about you and glad you decided to post and say hi (even though life isn't going well!). Message me if you ever need anything, you keep rocking!