Thursday, November 10, 2016

When To Hold Em & When To Fold Em

Its obvious I have not been blogging as regularly as usual, which is fine, but it definitely feels weird to me. I haven’t even been reading other blogs for the most part. I feel a bit deflated regarding the whole shebang-- mostly due to personal things; school, work, relationship, gym, the usual.

Then of course there’s the absolutely shitstorm that was the election. I would like to say its over, but its not over…not with Trump in office.

That aside...I made an incredibly difficult, potentially life changing decision about two weeks ago and haven’t had the energy/drive to explain/divulge it, except to a few people. Mostly because the internet is a nasty place and I hardly have the energy to deal with that along with everything else. Usually its very easy for me to let it roll off my back these days, but right now I’m not so sure...Luckily, the blogging world is a bit more tame than it was 5 years ago, but I still feel like I owe the people who care enough to read this blog a thorough explanation….even though I really don’t owe anyone anything.

I’ve been waiting to announce this, due to his most recent issue with his foot & I wanted to ensure he was 100% again before finally coming out with it…. but I decided to put Bacardi up for sale.

Never not going to use this photo

Granted, he may never sell because he is a one of the most sensitive, special snowflakes in existence, so maybe I have nothing to be devastated about…but let me explain a little.

First, to any remaining haters, go ahead. Get it out. Say, “I told you so” and laugh a little. Better? Good, because I am not selling him due to above stated snowflake-ness & your incredibly rude opinions about how we were not right together. I fucking dare you to talk more shit about this horse and what I’ve done with him. I didn’t see any of you try and work with him, so there’s that.

No, I am selling him because I simply, obviously, 100% cannot afford it any longer.

Unfortunately life does not go the way you want it to no matter how much you plan ahead, problem solve and trouble shoot, and this is one of those times. Shit happens. I have been incredibly fortunate to have been blessed with two incredible OTTBs in my lifetime, especially at such a young age—but supporting them on my own is getting to be near impossible.

Changing jobs was a lifesaver and came just in time after Yankee’s surgery in Feb. I am eternally grateful for this position—it is not about the job. I am simply a young professional working in the medical field, loving what I do. That’s not the problem at all.

Yes, I am holding a kiddon

The problem is that in order to keep two, incredibly high maintenance OTTBs healthy, sound and fit is takes a LOT of money. Like, most of it. I’m sure some of you are already aware of this. Yankee’s lease-ending colic kind of put the kibosh on my most well laid plans…so I had to adjust to that quickly. It was not an ideal situation, but I have coped and I am pleased with his progress and the fact that he is still alive.

He's not going anywhere, ever. I would literally starve for that horse, because he has given me everything. Almost 12 years together, that boy isn't going anywhere. So it sadly had to come down to my more athletic, younger, lovely creature named Bacardi.

However, as much as I WISH and hope and want it to work out, it simply can’t any longer. I have stretched myself to the brink, forgoing incredibly important aspects of life in order to pay for my beloved horses. Love cannot pay their bills and I ensure you, this was THE most painful decision I have ever had to make. I think I legitimately cried for DAYS once I made the decision final and told my trainer, my parents and my friends.

Literal days.

So now that he is 100% sound and back in full work, I am ready to announce it to anyone and everyone. If you or someone you know is interested, contact me via FB for more details. I may be slightly biased, but I think that Bacardi is one of a kind. There’s a reason I bought him and worked through that god-awful first year with him. He is special. He is talented. He is worth it.

"I not doin nuffin"

We are getting pictures and a sale video together this weekend, but for now there are tons of videos on my YouTube. I’m not going to front with this sale, he is HOT. He is hard to work with. He will test you. But, he is TALENTED. Anything on Youtube is proof of all of that.

All I am requiring is first right of refusal, references and updates. He can go to any state in any discipline, but I have a feeling this horse will succeed most as a jumper. I also think he might be a fantastic hunter. Square knees, auto changes and lovely, flowing gaits really do scream hunter. I love that he can be a quick jumper, but also meander around jumps in a hunter fashion.



I know this horse has the potential to be successful, I simply don’t have the time or monetary resources to make it happen any longer. It absolutely kills me that this is the reality, but I also can’t keep putting off paying other bills in order to showcase my youngest in hopes of someday becoming great.

I would have loved to attend a recognized show every weekend. Hell, we could have been much farther along if I had the funds. Its fine, I’m not that competitive anymore, but damn its hard to sell a horse for what they’re worth without a show record.

schooling shows don't count :/

He will NOT be sold to the highest bidder or ASAP. I refuse to let this horse go to someone who might potentially abuse him again. Luckily, I DID have the gumption to work through his issues and I can honestly say he is a true, solid equine citizen at this point. He now comes when called in the field, lets you halter him in the stall, GOES IN STALLS, blankets, crossties (BIG DEAL), TIES, waits at gates and doorways to be led through, doesn’t kick, bite or rear anymore, trailers (!!!!), clips (!!!), stands for the farrier and even tolerates the vet. He is sweet as can be and instead of running from humans he now welcomes their touch. Sure, you can’t clip his ears and shreds blankets like its his job, but god bless…he is a different horse now. He has come such a long way in the last two years, it would be a shame to reverse that completely. All I want is someone who understands him for who he is and doesn’t expect to find a unicorn. Every horse has his flaws, but I know that B is worth the continued time and effort. I just wish I could be the one to give that to him.

The worst thing is that he's been an absolute dream lately. I get off of him beaming and incredibly sad because I know that this isn't going to be forever. 


Gahd dangit I hate selling horses.

28 comments:

  1. Selling horses is absolutely the worst and I know I cried for weeks over the last two I sold (between coming to terms with listing then and then when they actually sold). B is very talented and I'm sure you'll find a great home that will appreciate him for both his talent and his quirks. So much love and respect for you to making this difficult decision. Hugs.

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  2. Oh I'm so sorry you are forced into this difficult decision! I hope it goes as smoothly as possible and that you find the perfect person for B.

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  3. Oh Monica :/ My twenties were the most financially challenging years of my life. It certainly isn't easy. It is hard making the adult decisions. I didn't really get any financial breathing room until my early 30's.

    I am sure you will find the perfect home for Bacardi. He is a lovely horse -- and you made him that way! He has come so far with you.

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  4. I hope you find the perfect person for him! Sending you much love and hugs

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  5. I'm so, so sorry, but I hope he finds the situation he needs. He has come so far, and I'll be sad not to watch him continue to grow and become even cooler. Horses are so, SO expensive, and even married with two good incomes, the expense causes tension and hardship in my house. I know for a fact that I couldn't afford to keep my two girls on my own. I'm so sorry you had to decide :(

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  6. I'm sorry to hear this but you have to have some fiscal reality in this life or even with a good income you end up further and further in the debt machine. Good for you for seeing that long term you can't sustain your current level of output. You will find him a good situation, dig yourself out of the hole, and help develop more nice horses. Hard for you but a smart choice. Good luck finding B his perfect placement!

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    1. Exactly my reasoning. Toughest decision ever but 100% needed :/

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  7. I am sorry to hear that you have had to make such a tough decision. I have been through this myself and it is not easy at all. I wish you luck in finding the right home for B!

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  8. Selling horses is so hard, sending big hugs. I'm sure you will find a wonderful home for Bacardi.

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  9. Being an adult and making adult decisions is the worst. But good for you for prioritizing, and hopefully sometime down the road you'll find another unicorn to be Yankee's brother!

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  10. I am sorry it came to this but you have to do whats right with you

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  11. Damnit. Adulting sucks. But I totally understand and you have a good grasp on what you need to do. I hope we will still be seeing your posts on this blog! Do you have any plans on taking over the ride on Yanks?

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    1. No, he will stay leased as long as there is interest. I have essentially zero desire to show much these days. I might take him to a jumper show or two for fun, but its not my end goal. I truly love working with the crazy, uneducated ones (obviously) and training is my passion and Yankee is pretty solid. Yes yes, we could get even better and I DO plan to take weekly (or twice a week even) lessons. But no real lofty goals just yet. I need to finish these masters degrees haha. I will be riding at least twice a week though. Once in a lesson and once on Yankee for his weekly tune-up. More as they come. Also, I HIGHLY doubt he will sell quickly, so I will keep blogging about him of course!

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  12. Sometimes, often, making the right decision also means making the hard decision. I am confident that your thoughtfulness and care of Bacardi mean you have come to this with seriousness. Best of luck finding him a wonderful home, that you both deserve. And to the future -- of raises, more income, and more ponies. <3

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  13. Sorry to hear this. I have very much enjoyed your progress with him and you have done a super job producing him into a good horse. Sucks when it comes down to the almighty dollar but that's just the reality of life.

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  14. Totally understand your decision. I literally go hungry for my horse. I have pawned things, overdrawn my account. Sacrificed so much. Eventually it gets to be too much.

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  15. So sorry to hear, life is tough sometimes :( All the work you have put into him will stand him in good stead for a successful future.

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  16. I'm so sorry you had to make this very difficult and mature decision. You have done such amazing things with him the past 2 years and that will go far to get him a good home. Somebody out there is looking for a talented, fun (difficult at times), sweet horse just like B.

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  17. Financial reality is pretty harsh sometimes. Hang in there.

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  18. Well I'm sorry for you since you love him so much, but I don't blame you and totally support your decision. I'm sure you'll find him a good home.

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  19. Having two horses and being an adult has been a struggle for me too, especially since I clearly can't sell or lease my semi lame 26 year old, but then I also wouldn't have anything to ride if I didn't have a second horse. Sorry you have to sell B, real life and adulting sucks sometimes.

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  20. I really admire your adultness at this time. It takes a lot of courage to do the right thing when it means ending what you love the most (or second most because Yank is #1). I am so so heartbroken for you, mostly because you have a lot of dedication and talent for horses and it is a shame you won't be able to share that with the world when B is gone and financials get better. I'm doing terribly financially but I absolutely refuse to let my dreams die. I'm not that much an adult after all. I so wish you were close. You are such an inspiration and I hope someone greets you at the door with one of those hilariously large checks and money isn't a problem anymore.

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  21. Horses are unfortunately, expensive. Not everyone is blessed, or has succeeded in having the big pocketbook needed for them. You left him better than he was, so its not a failure. You improved his life, and loved the shit outa him in the process. I certainly didn't plan right, because I am in the same boat.

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  22. Wishing you and Bacardi the best. Such a hard and heartfelt post.

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  23. Horses are expensive and if you can't afford it, you shouldn't feel bad about that! Life is all about choices...and altering choices if they are not working. This is clearly not working for you. You are a forever home for Yankee, and Bacardi was always a project so it isn't like this was out of the realm of possibility.

    I know that my financial plan was not working for your life before, but maybe with just one horse things will be in a better balance for you. We all go through different stages in life and right now you struggling financially. Take this and learn from it to set yourself up for a better financial future so that this becomes something that will never happen again.

    My hope for you is that Bacardi goes to a home that loves him, you figure out what you can afford with a horse, and that one year from now you stop beating yourself up for a decision that you really didn't have a choice in anyway. Not to get all cliche on you, but this too shall pass.

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  24. Oh no, my heart is absolutely breaking for you right now. I was in tears as soon as I saw the IG photo. I can't even imagine how hard this is. I gave away my mare to a family friend after thirteen years but I wasn't totally in love with her (personalities didn't mesh like Chrome and I do), but it was still one of the most difficult things I've ever done, so I can't even fathom how much it must hurt to sell B. :( I'm so sorry. I completely understand why you are having to do it... being an adult and trying to get out of debt sucks so bad. I hope you can find him an amazing home that is close so you can still visit him. I'm so thankful you have Yankee still to hug and help you be strong. Who knows? Maybe someday your paths will cross again once you're out of debt. Crazy things like that do happen. Hugs!

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  25. I'm so sorry. Life doesn't go as planned. Those who think you can live dreams and work hard often have nets they take for granted. Adulting is hard, but you do what you need. Hugs

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