Security Zero

WARNING: lengthy, semi-serious post. To view the abbreviated version, scroll all the way down. BUT if you have time/interest, reading this could be juicy.

Jackie and I have issues.

We can't stop perusing sites like CANTER, Equine.com and New Vocations....daydreaming...lusting after those sleek bodied OTTBs.

I'm positive its a sickness. Thoroughbred-itis.

It seems ridiculous to divulge this to you all, since I discussed rich bitches & overconsumption a few posts ago, but adopting another OTTB to work with, to me, does not apply as concept of over consumption.

Let me explain.

Sure, I'm not that rich and I'm not the master of all horse trainers. But horses are my life, and without them, I would be nothing. My passion with horses lies in training and working with youngsters. I enjoy seeing progress and turning a horse into something even more beautiful than how they naturally are.

I fell in love with OTTBs with Yankee. Ever since I adopted him, I've connected with so many other OTTB owners and the likeness is astonishing. All of us commend their attitudes and willingness to learn. Loyalty, and beauty. Speed, power and grace.

How can I stay away from that?

Judge me all you want, or support me, but I want to at least say why I feel the way I do. With Yankee, I learned precious lessons about life and love. But he is now 10 and quite the experienced pony :) I dont have the money to event him like he needs & wants to be, and thus, why he is leased. In case you didn't know, events run about $800/weekend and I simply don't have the cash to do that twice a month. Thats half my salary! SO. He is leased and moving forward, and yet I still get to see him everyday and ride him on occasion. I love that horse more than my own life and would die if I ever lost him. I don't want any of you to think I am tossing him aside with my talk of adoption, simply, giving him a chance to do what he loves to do and possible give him another brother or sister :)

I want to give another OTTB a chance like I gave Yankee. I want to give them a better life, a chance of redemption, a chance to prove themselves!

I've actually been doing this for over a year now, searching for the perfect horse and window shopping. But I believe its turning away from the window into something more serious.

I am graduating in August, and I think this would be a perfect gift to myself for all my hard work. Same for Jackie; she has wanted a horse her whole life, and her parents are willing to get one for her in May. I've been fueling her fire too with all my OTTB talk...MWAH HAHAHAHA.

So without further ado...Security Zero...

Isn't he just wonderful? Security Zero. Defines my life. Crookedness aside, his trot is to die for. Even his canter is lovely for 4yo OTTB. With proper work, I think he could really shine! Plus, he is a big boy, at over 17 hands. PERFECT.

Mr. TallShinyPants. I'm already in love. DAMMIT.

I adore chesnuts by the way. So his specs; he is 4 years old, 17.1 hands, re-started undersaddle and is $3500. I think I could talk them down.

A girl can dream right?

As for Jackie, I thought I found the perfect horse, but she got adopted today! GAH. She was only online for 3 days. THREE.

No wonder, aint she a purty thang?

I found out that the family who adopted her, bought my first horse from me! She was an arab, and it turning 30 in March. I'm glad to see she is going to a good home, but its still crazy that I know the person who adopted her, since they live in SC. Small world!

I suppose I can divulge another fun fact about myself before some of you possibly make up your minds about me; because who doesnt like spilling their soul on the internet. Its all the rage.

Anyways, I pretend to be a sarcastic hard-ass, but really, I am not when it comes to some things. I have extreme anxiety about almost everything, and the biggest worry is that I will never succeed in life. I feel like my degree is worthless, and I will never be wanted by any company because I'm not smart enought o become a vet, doctor or engineer & I only obsessed over one thing in my life; horses.

This is where I have done myself a disservice. While my college peers were getting shiny new unpaid interships to pad their resumes, I was slinking away at minumum wage jobs to support my expensive hobby. While others were partying high school away, I was striving to get that perfect distance, that perfect transition, that perfect harmony. While others played soccer and baseball, I mucked stalls and brushed coats. Horses have been my life since I was in gradeschool and I am thankful for that.

However, I struggle to grasp how anyone would ever hire me. I barely make it in college by studying my balls off-and even then, my grades arent that great. And its because I honestly don't care as much as I should, because I am not passionate about it...at all. Some may be happy kissing ass in the business world, I, however, refuse to do that. Granted, I could become an artist or riding instructor, but lets be real, in this economy, I would be more hungry than I already am.

So here I am, a college senior, graduating in August, freaking out about this transition in my life, worrying incessantly about not being wanted and causing myself all kinds of turmoil.

Not only would I be doing an deserving OTTB a solid, but working with another would have some sort of therapy for me. DONT worry people, I dont need a shrink. Just scared and anxious about the future, and a project would give me something to focus on, and shed positive light on my "self image", if thats what you can call it. I think it could be really good for me.

So, I shall continue to search, if the Zero situation doesnt pan out.

Also, I'm 96% sure that after graduation, I will begin attending school to become a Vet Technician. I am EXTREMELY excited about this, since it seems right up my alley. Even though vet techs dont make bank, doing something I enjoy will be worth it. In the mean time, I hope to get a job somewhere in town that can give me ample monies to live off of.

YAY PLANNING FOR FUTURE.

OK, boiled down boring version:
I have anxiety about everything. Getting a horse will help. Don't judge me.