This weekend I attended the joyous festivities that is the nations 2nd largest Mardi Gras celebration, only to New Orleans. It was interesting. I actually stayed sober since the rest of my group was a little less than conscious of where they were and I felt obligated to be the responsible one. Gosh, it is such a drag being the adult at a party. I did get to wear some bitchin pants though. Goodwill has some legit options.
|The boy and me. I'm standing on my tip toes, ha.|
All I need is a real job to secure my finances, but there are none to be found. Looks like the college degree was a waste of time too.
I haven't ridden since last Thursday, but that ride was productive at least-we jumped a little bit and he was a beast. I jacked it up to 3'6-3'9 and he took it like a pro, per usual.
But lately I'm having a more than difficult time getting motivated to do any riding, especially with the jacked up weather fluctuations. Not sure if its the winter blues, or what but I keep making excuses not to ride. I spend most of my time daydreaming about all the shows I COULD go to this season and making up workout plans, exercises for Yanks, etc., but then I realize it will probably never happen for me & Yankee ever again. I just don't have the money. We probably will never get to Prelim, or even 2*. I bought him to be my 4* horse and its probably the most depressing thing in the world to think that he will never get there with me.
I don't know if its because his legs have started to swell after every workout and while in a stall, how grumpy he is getting or whatever, but I have this insane feeling that one day he will just come up lame and never be sound again. To me, 10 is ANCIENT for an OTTB and I can't handle it.
I can never get out of this mindset for more than a few weeks, no matter if we have a few good rides or not. The effort is futile.
I get especially irritated with those who take all they have for granted. I'm never jealous, I just wish some people knew how freaking awesome they had it, instead of complaining about everything under the sun. What I would give to show my horse again.
Lord, what a ridiculous statement THAT is too! First world problems to the max. I realize I am lucky to have what I have and I do feel slightly accomplished at what I've achieved in the past. But my ENTIRE life I've spent devoting to eventing, hoping I could make it big; working off lessons, shows, bills. Always working. I never really had a backup plan and now that I've failed, I'm flailing and panicking.
That was a lot more depressing than I wanted it to be. I just wonder if I'm the only one here, grasping at strings, hoping that maybe just *one* day all my work will pay off. It sucks to think it was all for nothing.
Now that I've got that out of my system I should be good for a few more weeks. har har.