Swampmonster Sighting

I can't even. 

This is better than yesterday because they got rained on all day.

 But dear god come next week they are getting bathed, shaved and ridden. 

SOS-Giant Hay Bales

Quick! I need more secrets and knowledge from the blogging world!

I've been madly trying to find hay in my area and repeatedly coming up blank. Either the provider is out or they don't deliver. 

I'm down to four square bales for 3 horses. Meaning I need hay THIS WEEKEND.

* HALP PANICKING Y DIS ALWAYS HAPPEN.*

For one, I won't be here  this weekend (YAY EVENTING) so I have to wrangle a trusty friend to assist. 

For two, need delivered. 

For three, can't break the bank. I work, but apparently not near enough. 

There's square bale options but their cost is almost double what I found elsewhere. 

Elsewhere being giant ass hay bales. 

I didn't even know giant ass square bales existed, but this guy wants it gone. Selling 1000lb, 3x3x6 bales. There are flakes, approx 3x3 ft and 4 inches thick. For $55 ea. Delivers. 

I tried imaging the size in comparison to reg small sq bales. Not working out. 

I tried doing the math. I don't math well, but by my calculations it can make this last. A while. If I buy two. 

Questions. 

CAN you feed this to horses?? How? How do you break the flakes up even smaller? Have ANY of you fed giant ass square bales? How long do they last? How do you store it? What ARE these magical creatures??

Please help. Need to make a decision by tomorrow am. 

At some point I will be buying round bales, but that will hae to wait for next paycheck. 

Just trying to decide if I should fet 50 square at $200 or two big ass bales for 110 and it last allllmost the same amount of time. Almost. 

Help help help help help 

What Do Wednesday: Tragic Weather Conditions

(Thank you all for the encouragement for this weekend! OF COURSE  I  The Boy will take pics!)

No one informed mother nature that this is not the fucking monsoon season. At least in America.

I am not exaggerating when I say it has rained for a week STRAIGHT. Sideways rain. Big ole fat rain. Drizzle rain. All the rains has been raining down on us for a week and I am miserable. Not to mention,  the week before this, there has been some sort of precipitation gracing my poor pastures. Basically two weeks of torturous moisture.

I do not think I have ever encountered more slop and wetness in my entire existence. I seriously cannot remember a time when this much moisture fell from the sky at such a steady rate for such an extended period of time.

Unless you count frozen moisture. AKA Snowpacalypse 2010 & 2013. Thaaaaat was an adventure of epic proportions.

"Halp, letz me outz of prizon, hoomin girl"

We will revisit that snow fuckery momentarily.

I think my horses are officially feral because not only have I not ridden in 3 weeks, but they are covered (literally encrusted) in gooey mud that refuses to dry. Dreadlocked tails, filthy manes & soggy and disgusting coats. Bacardi actually flinched away from from me today and gave me the whites of his eyes like a wild stallion. I cannot cope.

I attempted to spare them from the 5 inch mud that is now their field by keeping them in jail their stalls. Their nice, dry, fluffy stalls.

They were having none of that shit.

After 4 days they were basically climbing the walls and threatening to murder me.

I tried explaining to them that they needed to keep their toesies dry because they both have contracted mild cases of thrush (thanks to last weeks mud/moisture) at the moment, as well as front shoes, and dammit, I need them to stay intact. They did not understand. Because they are horsebeasts and would prefer to frolic in the mud and not give a damn about their precious feet.

Of course I felt BAD about keeping them locked up, but I tried weighing the options and it seemed like a good idea.

Keep feet dry and treated for thrush with medicine, without the need for diaper boots and constant worrying. Keep horses clean and dry thus reducing the risk for nasty funguses and getting chilled with the cold temps. Keep them out of mud, thus reducing risk of shoe sucking turmoil. And since they're mildly mentally challenged, they've taken to frequently galloping around like insane wildebeest. Completely forgetting how slippery mud is and how easily they can pull a muscle or tendon OR SLIP AND FALL AND DIE.

This coming from a girl who has harped and lectured about how horses NEED turnout and how, unless at risk their immediate health, they should go out for a few hours at LEAST.

I mean, immediate health. Not the pussy footing owners who spew garbage like, "oh-Sparky-cant-go-out-ever-because-he-might-get-a-scratch-on-his-wittle-face-and-oh-my-fuck-god-forbid-if-he-TROTS-around-the-field". 

Please.

I could go on for hours about turnout. But thats for another post. This, dear readers, specifically is in regards to turnout during terrible, no good, rather awful and foreboding weather conditions.

As I understand, Ohio is not hte only state getting pounded by mother nature and her cruel sense of humor. And with winter coming 'round, its only about to get worse.

So what I am dying to know is what ya'll do during said conditions? Turnout? Keep in? What are the conditions for said choices?

I tried to reason my choices for this particular instance, but gave up after 4 days. I felt their sanity was worth more than a slight convenience to me in cleanliness and ease of treating thrush. As a result, I've gone through more diapers and duct tape than I care to share, but they are remaining under the thrush treatment. Who knows if it will be effective with the level of muddiness outside. The way I see it though, with the volume of rain we've gotten, it won't dry out for at least a week, probably more. That constitutes of MORE than 2 weeks jailed inside...with no riding. Because I don't have an arena. Just an equally muddy field. reason enough for me. I do NOT want to deal with TWO very pissed off Thoroughbreds for a few weeks on end.

During snowpacalypse it equally as miserable. In 2010 I couldn't even make it out to my barn for more than a week.  So I fully entrusted the care of my horse to the live in caretaker. He at least made sure they were fed...at some point. And maybe did their stalls. Yeah.

In 2013 when it was a lovely mix of 2 days of ice-snow-ice-snow-ice, creating incredible death traps in the fields, that didn't melt for 9 days, we kept them in that WHOLE FUCKING TIME. Not my choice but hte BO demanded it for insurance purposes. We did T/O in the mini paddocks (pictured above in post) for an hour a day, but my poor horse went insane. Clinically. Luckily there we had an indoor so he at least got ridden everyday because I was able to power through the snuckery (snow fuckery) with my SUV. That helped.

A whole 'nother issue becomes stall cleanliness and the absurd amounts of bedding used...but thats for another post.

So please, readers, feed me your secrets.

Lets Play A Game

Specifically, Never Have I Ever. The rules are simple and everyone should know it. Do you have your adult beverage of choice? Sweet, lets do it.

Never have I ever been gotten fake nails.

Never have I ever shown above training level at a sanctioned event.

Never have I ever owned a warmblood.

Never have I ever been to AEC's.

Never have I ever bought a horse for more than $1000

Are some of you feeling tipsy yet?

Never have I ever smelled anything in my life.

Never have I ever seen a Marilyn Monroe movie.

Never have I ever catch rode at a USEA event

Wait. that last one was a lie.

I'M CATCH RIDING AT TEAM CHALLENGE.

WUT.

HOW.

WHY.

DONT CARE, SO HAPPY. DYING OF BLISS.

The universe DOES care. It does!

Just as I was truly getting in a funk about the lameness issues (now solved, but prevented riding for a few weeks) and prolonged time off from being sick, insane schedule change, and now the torrential rains, a fellow blogger messages me asking if I would be crazy enough to ride a horse I've never even seen in real life at a sanctioned USEA event THIS WEEKEND.

Um, absolutely.

I thought about it for approximately 18 minutes and then was like, yes. Hell yes. HAIL FUCKING YES.

Completely disregard that I don't have half my showing clothes anymore (stolen) or that I haven't even shown sanctioned in TWO YEARS (omg *dies a little*), or that I'm ever so slightly out of riding shape. Its fiiiiine. It'll be fine. An adventure, if you will.

The details are still in the works, but as of now, right now, on this 13th day of October, I, Monica, will be making my debut back onto to scene of real eventing, riding a horse I've never met.

Some of you may know him as Steady. I know him as Mr. Shiny and fellow OTTB poster child. And now my mount for the freaking Team Challenge!

As adorable as OTTBs come

My love for this particular show began way back when Yanks and I competed on a Novice team while going training. It was hella funsies and to this day, one of my favorite memories. If I recall correctly, my team placed third, which was HUGE for me and my baby self with my baby OTTB.

So of course, the eventer inside me is quivering with anticipation and the added excitement of the unknown. Too bad its the last show of the year, but I DONT CARE I'M GOING TO A USEA SHOW IN 2014.

Besides, he so stinking cute and ready for action. I love it! His owner says he's a bit strong and words like "over exuberant" "insanely fast" and "easily pissed off" were thrown around, but that only adds to my fun. Has anyone actually SEEN Yankee go XC? Does anyone know why I use the waterford combo with a leverage action noseband? Yeah. More words could be thrown around for Yankee, like, "Mildly retarded" "Might actually be bipolar" and "nearly uncontrollable".

Totally wicked awesome substitute for my non-riding blues.

Can't wait!

What Do Wednesdays

Thinking I will start this as a new "series" on wednesdays ( if you're reading this on Tuesday night, its because I posted it on Tuesday, for wednesday...logic).  I say that in air quotes because we all know my blog game is not strong compared to all y'all and your royalty, but I think its fun. And I love opinions.

Since I like pictures and hate words (ok thats not true. I love words. I'm a words fanatic. But not in blogs. Pictures. I like dem) I chose a topic relevant to the season AND one that can have all the pictures, because pictures.

Shaving.

Bodies. Specifically horsebeast bodies.

Sexual

If you've followed me long time, you know I have the propensity to shave all the horses because 1)I'm lazy ....aaaand thats really it.

For those of you vehemently opposed to taking away a horses natural defense against the wrath of mother nature, hold up fo a minnut.

For one, what part of owning a DOMESTICATED horse is natural? Literally nothing. No amount of trying will replicate a wild lifestyle. Sure, you can come close, but lets be real, everything we do is to benefit ourselves. Yes yes we love our horses tenderly, and choose the beeeest grains, and hay, and turn them out and vet them regularly and shoe/trim them etc etc. BECAUSE they are domesticated. Small example; they simply can't wear their feet down enough ((unless you live on a ranch or whatever, maybe, but seriously, most of us cram our horses into tiny lots or pastures and stalls because thats what is available and convenient to us)) with the lifestyle most live. So farriers it is. Bye money!

Whoa, too many words.

To keep it short; I clip my horses because I ride them all year long.  I have limited time. This comes in handy because a blanketed, clipped horse is usually really clean. Shiny even. Tacked up in 5, BOOM. Also, no fungus. BOOM. The babes are also are heavy sweaters way too furry IMO. Being clipped, they stay relatively dry  throughout workouts, and cool out takes another 5 instead of FORTY5. Tack also stays pretty clean. BOOM. BOOM. Being blanketed they never get wet in inclement weather, and consequently, chilled/shivering/sick. BOOM. They also barely shed in spring and look prettier faster. BOOM FOREVER.

Strong downside is having to be blanketed all winter. First acquiring them. If you're a tack whore like myself though, you never throw shit away and buy in off season. And on seasons. And have enough blankets to clothe a herd of horses. Then, changing them whenever the temp fluctuates. Last winter was a bitch with -20 temps one day and 60 degrees the next. Then then cleaning them. Also a bitch. And you usually have to re-clip. Another bitch.

6-4 odds, not bad.

Sure, it benefits me in the end, but I tend to think it benefits them as well. I've never had a horse complain about being clipped either. And blankets with hoods are REALLY stylish.

Swag

So let me take you on a journey. A pictorial journey of Yankee's various clips throughout the years. He got his first ever clip in 2007 when I realized that he sweat like no other & would take hours to dry out.

2007, right off the track

Not hateful for a 14 year old who didn't know what the actual they were doing. I believe the real term for this clip is "trace", but I don't follow the rules. As you will see. What an adorable fugly little baby though.

2008-2009

2008/2009 I wasn't big into riding in the cold. Or helmets apparently. I was busy being a senior in high school, so no clip for the babe. Thats the same field I ride in today though-wooo, time warp! I also still own that bridle.

Sept 2010

Jan 2010

So here is 2 variations of a "high trace" (?). In the fall it was unnaturally hot so I shaved early. I hated how I left a point on his shoulder, so when I re clipped I took it out and clipped his haunches closer in. You might be able to see the difference.

I think 2011 disappeared into the Bermuda triangle because I have 0 winter pictures, but I know I did a variation of this clip. So we will pretend this is for 2011/2012. Possibly called a version of a low hunter/high trace?? Who knows.

Can you tell I'm getting slap happier each year and taking off more and more hair? Yeah. Because its so.much.nicer.

2013

I liked 2012 so much I repeated the clip in 2013, just with more rounded edges and an even HIGHER clip up.

2014

2014 was the year of the checkerboard. Andrea did a bomb ass version of this that reminded me of a puzzle. Love. For this, I started off with a highhunter/trace with a free hand checkerboard.

Bad idea. Never freehand. Always tape. ALWAYS.

I tried correcting it a month later and ended up making a huge mistake and then just said fuck it and shaved him bald.

Best decision ever. I will probably shave him naked every year from now on, unless he has the winter off.

I got probably a thousand compliments on top of the fact that he just looks so dapper and clean.

Which bring s me to this year. Already cooking up designs for Bacardi and Yankee. Shall not divulge because people are crafty and will thieve my ideas! Maybe.

I heard B is a shithead about clippers so thats fun. But here's what he has last year,

What I want to know is what YOU do!

Clip? No clip? Why? Why not?

Got My Mojo Baby

I think I am finally getting used to this wild schedule. Perfect.  Because as just as soon as I mastered it, its changing on the 15th. Work moved me from 8-5 to 10-7...so squeezing in riding, workout and all the other adult things might be trickier. And winter. ITS COMING.

Side note: I would like to say again how absolutely groovy you all are! I am so thankful for everyone's support in the form of comments, tips, congrats and suggestions!

To answer the trailering question posed on "where did we go"...nowhere. Hahaha. We just practice loading over and over and over until our souls bleed from sadness. That day he just happened to load up like a boss. Hopefully he keeps it up!

Secondly, I will be putting shoes back on the Yankster. I've concluded that like some women regarding high heels some horses cannot go barefoot. I should have known from the 3 other times we've tried it, but I thought maybe just maybe one.more.time. Definition of insanity right there. Hi.

I am also changing farriers for many reasons. Namely, Bacardi threw a shoe and there literally is no reasoning as to why. 4 weeks from our scheduled appointment, Belled. No mud. No romps. No riding, really. On top of Yankee's staggering 10 losses in 3 months...yeah, its time. Hopefully he can help me with Yankee's feets and keep B sound as well. That all being said, I will keep the bootie offers in mind in case new farrier thinks Yankee can try again over winter. Thank you all!!

Due to said lameness and schedule and life changes and difficulty adjusting up until now (the 4th week), I have not ridden much. Shocker.  The few times I've tried, Poor Pants has issues even trotting comfortably in our field out back, so I've taken to riding on the road when I have time. He feels neglected sometimes and lets me know by shunning myself & B when we tack up in the aisle. Poor babe. Right now he's adjusting to some time off and just enjoying getting groomed, loved on and in general, spoiled shitless.  I've never seen a fatter OTTB in my life, love it.

Since Yankee is pretty much down for the count, you'll exclusively get rained on with Bacardi pics. Because lets face it, he's gorgeous.

Minus our 2 ish week lapse in soundness due to a freak muscle strain ( I'll explain later) and my inability to get my ass in a saddle, the baby has been super groovy whenever I DO pull him out to torture school him. We had our cray cray moments on the lunge last week, but in general, he's coming along steady as can be like a good man.

Our last ride was exceptional and the boy got some really cool shots. Props to him for suffering through the mosquitos for me. I can't wait to make him get some fall video >:) Because, you know, fall.

Namely PSL's, leggings, scarves and oversize sweaters. Oh and leaves. 

Countryside. I will never get tired of it!

Got some really excellent trot work out of the  lad and some bangin' transitions, which is all I can ask for with my piss-poor riding. Who knew sitting slumped in an office all day affects your eq?

FAV

 love this trot action

Add caption

HELL-O TROT

So thats just a week update on the slow goings here. I cant tell if they are enjoying their time off or not but at least we are past the fall sillies!

The Horse Gods Smile Down on Me, Finally

Bacardi got on the trailer.

I repeat.

BACARDI GOT ON THE TRAILER.

That is all.


(ps. I literally opened the doors and walked in and he followed me. So like, why did he resist for so many months. I don't even.)

Baby horsebeast, all is forgiven
FOR NOW.