Well...fudge.

So where to begin..

As you can see, this was our dressage. I was very unhappy with it afterwards, but once I watched the tape I was happier...always looks better than it feels I suppose. I know what I needed to fix but I want to add a massive disclaimer, IT WAS SO EFFING BAD outside. Like, 40 degrees, windy as hell and misting. 

The warm-up was horrid. He spooked out of his skin at everything. Every horse, every squeak, every leaf, everything. I had a few good moments, but mostly I had a 3 year old in a 9 year old body. Even the 4 yr old stud in my division was acting better than him...I was so disapointed. I cannot describe to you how cold and windy it was outside, all the odds were against us.

I went in the hole expecting a 50 or worse on the test. I wanted to get a 35 at most, since my last score was a 40 something, and I KNOW he can score in the high 20s even, but show jitters always get him. Always. This time it was beyond insane. bucking, rearing, running sideways...so awful.

However, the experienced eventer shone through that morning and the INSTANT he saw the judge, he settled right down. Literally the change was crazy...one second, wild eyed, stiff pony from hell, next, a relaxed willing horse. I was baffled so much I almost forgot my test, HA.

So it went pretty ok, I was revved up since he had been a nervous wreck only seconds before and I was shaking from the cold, but overall, it looked really good comparatively to other tests in the past. He broke the canter at B, but he memorized the test (oops) from practice and anticipated. Our free walk sucked, but it always does at shows-can't seem to pay attention to anything but stuff outside the ring. Again, he anticipated the canter transition at K and broke into it in the corner. I decided to keep it since our R lead transitions are usually sucky. We got 7's on both our canter extensions which was generous, since he needs WAY more impulsion. Our R lead ext. was better than the L ( I actually bought a picture of it, it was stunning!). I got a 7 on the extended trot as well. Also, a surprise, a 7 on the stretchy circle! Yay! He did stretch really well near the end of it so I was happy. Not a square halt...but considering the circumstances, I took a 37. I was 8th after dressage, not too shabby, but I was still a little upset with how it went. I got a 7 for rider, which I was happy with since I overshot both my 15m. trot circles and my stirrups were too long, haha.

So not even an hour to get ready for XC, I rushed to get studs in, keep warm, tack up. get time to warm up and maybe stuff some food in me. I barely eat during events...and after last summer...I can barely keep the nerves at bay.

I was almost sick with anxiety and I was killing myself for it. I have NEVER been anxious for XC. I always wanted to rip through it, hungry for higher fences and faster paces. Now, sadly, I shake at the thought of some of the fences I had to jump. Earlier that weekend I had texted Stacey about fence 3AB and my apprehension about it. I couldn't believe how anxious I was, real tears were dripping down my face....I was so conflicted inside...upset I was so nervous and couldn't contain it, upset I was upset, pissed I did this to myself. I was saddened to admit to myself I was scared. Scared of failing, scared of falling, scared of embaressing myself.

Yankee and the weather did not help. I was freezing (forecast was for upper 60s, not lower 40s and I was VERY ill prepared for the weather). My boy was a crazy fool and would not stop rearing, but was jumping well, which gave me a lil boost of confidence.

As I made my way to the start box, I mentally prepared myself for 5 minutes and 32 seconds of galloping and 27 fences total to tackle. I was wary of 3AB (weldons wall, 2 strides down a hill and up to a large rolltop) and fence 16, a MASSSSSSSSIVE table. I am pretty sure that was prelim height, it was huge, but I was ready. Nerves gone, I shook it. 

Yankee still wasn't calm, and would not walk straight at all. I hoped he would loosen up over the first few fences and settle into the pace. As the started counted down, I concentrated on keeping him in the box. 3...2...1...GO! I gave him the signal and he flew..WHOO boy did not expect that. He DRAGGED me over the first fence, a hanging log, but I was actually glad. He wasn't backing off the fences like he usually does. He settled into the gallop nicely and jumped fence two, big barrels really well.

Up the hill to fence 3AB and damn were there a ton of ppl there. UGH, great. Yankee hates spectators and spooks hard at them. I had to really sit and keep my leg on him to the A part of 3. He was not wavering or showing signs of stopping, so I breathed a sigh as I felt him lift off. Then, suddenly, I felt him jerk to the left and I saw the white flag rushing to meet me.

I thought to myself, "shit this is NOT happening. I'm dreaming, this is a dream, this isn't real" ( all within .02 secs). Then I hit the fence, HARD, rolled off onto the ground, cracked my head on something hard and saw Yankee's front foot about 1 inch from my face. LITERALLY, my life flashed before my eyes. It really does happen. The I saw him haul his massive body away from me and in a athletic twist, he managed to avoid me.

First thought that ran through my brain was...oh my god, I broke my back. I couldn't move or feel my legs. Inside, I was flipping out. SO many thoughts swimming through my head. Shame, agony, apprehension, anguish, fear, happiness, anger...then I saw the EMT running full tilt to me but all I could think about after the whirl of emotions was my horse...where is he? He actualy only ran 3 strides and came right back, but someone took a hold of him and led him away. The next thought was Brandon, I could only imagine he was freaking out once he heard over the intercom....all this happened in about 45 seconds by the way. Whirl of activity.. 

I was in a daze. Sobbing my eyes out in anger. NFW I just fell off my horse at fence effing three!!! three!? I've NEVER fallen off Yankee, let alone at a competition. Also, I still couldn't get up and I was terrified I broke my back. It hurt so bad, I didn't think there was a way I didn't break it.

The EMT's helped me up, asked me some questions, examined myself, my helmet and my vest (THANK god for those, or I might've really broken something or died) and deemed me 'healthy' enough to ride...

WTF, rider fall was Elimination right? I was really confused, the jump judge was asking me if I wanted to get back on and finish and I was so annoyed that she kept asking me, I was like, woman, I'm not allowed, don't you know the rules?? Plus I was still pissed at everything and in serious agony. I never did figure out if the rules changed or if she was just smoking something...

Brandon helped me get back on Yankee to walk me to the stable and it was the most painful of all things I have ever felt (and I've done quite a bit to myself). Not gonna lie I sobbed the entire way back. SO angry, hurt and sad. WHY?? WHY!

WE are better than this. SO much better, but last summer apparently engrained some psychotic fear into my brain that won't let me remember how good my horse and I are.

So, after some brooding and self hatred, I decided to drop to Novice at Queeny Park. I HATE myself for it, since I consider it a failure and the chickens way out, but I think I really need it. Also, I am going to begin taking lesson form Cheryl. I have been without a coach for 4 years, and I think it is time to have someone else there while I am riding.

I am still hating myself for failing so dismally., espechially after the final scores...I would have been second! First place had a 29 and second had a 49, I most likely would have beat that 49 even with a possible one rail in stadium.

I was only angry with Yankee for about 15 minutes...who starts to jump a fence then decides halfway over, no thanks? Apparently my beast does. I can't hate him though, after all his is my ponyface and only a horse. He seemed really sorry and I swear, he had an apologetic look on his face right after. Poor guy.

Yes, I still love you beast.

All I want is to be romping about and doing this again with confidence....

Sorry For Cursing?

WHOOPS. Probably shouldn't uploaded that to the net without listening to it...I forgot I am very verbal when I ride. We all curse right?

Anyways, the XC school went pretty good.

I googled the virtual coursewalk for the event this weekend, and most of it was CAKEpie. The only concern I had was with the bank up to a coop. Bank up combos is not our thing...and he aptly proved that by refusing this combo...

(A-bank up was fine...one stride to...)

(...B-coop, aw, failtastic.)

...4 times before realizing he was a big boy and that measly jump was too easy. Horses. Doesn't urt that I actually put the refusals past me and rode the dang fence. Humans.

"Ohhhhh, I CAN do this mom, it, like, so small and easy. What was I thinking? I get worked up over nothing."

We schooled some other fences that were pretty easy too...

I know right, what is up with my hands? In the video I don't know if you could tell, but he was being a pistol from hell and I had to bridge my reins to keep hold of him. He about ran off about 6 times, and literally ripped some skin off my hands..gloves next time.

I didn't want to do much, since it was almost 90 degrees out and sunny, but that was all the time I had to ride between exam schedules.

This fence is a pretty honkin' big'un. Matthew from Dressage Draft (it wouldn't let me link today) seems to think its pie, but I beg to differ. It is a prelim question and the ground right up to it in straight up, then its a drop on the back, to add, it is a VERY tiny skinny. looks wider in the pic, but my legs barely cleared it. I was proud of Yanks since we've never jumped anything like that and he did it the first time.

After the water and the ditch schooling I am feeling pretty good about dressage AND XC for the weekend and I'm trying to shove out any anxiety I have for stadium...3 more exams!

We Can Has Stretchy Circles?

Yesterday night was dressage day. I ran the test through twice after some warm up. I was pretty happy with it overall, but it was SO muggy and hot and Yanks was very warm right out of the pasture so he was a lil sluggish and grumpy. 

I was unhappy with the free walk and stretchy circle. This horse can touch his nosey to the ground BOTH movements so I was dissapointed I couldn't get more out of him yesterday.

I love filming the tests because then I can see where I need work!! Like my extended movements (20m. canter circles after the 15m.) need more OOMPFH! I felt like he was really gettin'out there at the canter but when I watched the tape it barely looked any different. So  more impulsion needed! Same with the extended trot across the diagonal..it was lame.

Also, my transitions UP to the canter need finesse. I have 5 days to improve till we leave, but I don't want to burn him out so he gets Wed. and Thurs off and/or short lunge sesh with a jump school tuesday ( no exams!) and a light school tomorrow in dressage with some conditioning gallops today.

I hate drilling too much before a horse trial so I will just ride today, Monday, Tuesday and Thursday maybe. Friday, I always school by the dressage arenas. I have really awesome times (D: 9-something and XC: 1145 something, stadium Sunday) so I won't have to be rushing to dressage or any jumping. 

I am pretty confident that we will rock out the dressage. My goal is less than a 35 since he has been scoring in the high 30's and LOW 40's (SUCKY I know, but we've had our issues with dressage :/). NO MORE than a rail in stadium (last show we had like 3, GAG me) and DOUBLE clear XC. 

Now, to get through sucky exams. 

Let me know what you guys think about the video! JUST realized after googling videos of the Training level test B, did the trot circles wrong...I was wondering why they were so wonky in my practice run...they are supposed to be done length wise, no width wise. DO'H!

Pulled Muscle and Jumping....

....Not the most brilliant idea I've ever had...it was excruciating and I really rode like shit. Yankee put up with me well enough, poor guy. I don't know how I did it, but I imagine it was sometime at work last night, I woke up with the sorest back ever...

I should have just not ridden, but with Mill Creek 10 days away I really wanted to squeeze in one or two more stadium schools and a XC session with a few conditioning sessions (conditioning saturday) and dressage practice (one Friday).

It was a titch warm, and it was already 5:30 so I just wanted to do about half hour including warm-up, jumping and cool down.

He warmed up well but refused a baby fence four times. I'm pretty certain that was my bad. Without realizing it I was overcompensating for my sore muscle and pulling to the left as well as blatantly NOT riding the fence. Silly human.

As a result, when he did jump, he jumped badly...I mean, look at those knees...

gag me right?

Can you tell my back hurt? I NEVER crouch like this...

OK he didn't jump SO terrible and I know it feels worse than it looks but I now realize I should have just lunged him today or something. I had no business jumping :(

He tried really hard to jump well, but I was interefering a bit much without trying, so I kept the fences baby.

Not a bad effort, but loose knees...

Wow could I jump ahead more you think??

Yankee trying!

Overall, I was till happy with Yankee, but not myself. I learned that riding extremely sore is no bueno and I def. won't be doing that again!

Best fence by far! Knees could still be tighter, but my position is good and he is jumping round.

Waiting anxiously for finals to begin/be over....FINALLY turned in my two big papers...2 paintings due next Thurs, and my first final Friday, in spanish. I will have to retake, but at least I passed my last exam...at least..le sigh.

After Mill Creek, T-shirts WILL be made people!! I will re-post pics and add pricing, as well as the Dressage Tee I am working on. I think it will say, "Dressage: Extend it", like how I said, "Eventing: Just Jump It". Sound good? Ideas?

ALSO, thanks to our now 35 followers! WOOT, love you guys!

Did We Just Kick Some Ass?

I am pretty sure we did :)

Yesterday was AWESOME!!!!!

It started really early which was a bummer, but my class was only ten away from the beginning of the show (8 a.m.) so we got up at 5:30 to leave by 6:15 to get there by 8:45a.m.

I was excited so it was easy to get up but dragging the boyfriend (who had worked over 26 hours in the past 2 days) out of bed was probably my biggest challenge of the day!

My goal for the day was to remain CALM, cool, collected, and jump the dang fences. I wanted Yankee to jump WELL, not fast so I could get a ribbon. Ribbons were the last thing on my mind. Far step from my previous ribbon-whoring self 6 years back! (I loved ribbons and was feircely competitive, thus my collection of 357 hunter ring ribbons...I now DESPISE the hunter ring, thus the move to Eventing :D)

We arrived at the farm outside Saint Louis and signed up for my classes and waited....and waited....and waited.. Let me tell you though, this barn was STUNNING. I mean my jaw dropped when I drove up. Think, the most expensive barn you can imagine and thats what I saw. It must have cost over a million bucks to build...dang...can't even describe to you how beautiful. And this show was for CHARITY!! Shows you how rich the family is who owns it, but they were so nice! 

 

Yankee Wonder-ing (get it, his name is Yankee Wonder? haha) what is taking so gosh darn long looking rather smashing :)

I had no idea there would be sooo mnay ponies at this show! Which apparently, they are ALL entered in the first ten classes, making them go uber slow. Each pony/child got two rounds per class and there were like 50 of them I swear! I didn't even saddle up till two...lesson learned for June 4th.

Look. How.Freaking. Adorable this pony is!!! Funny thing is, a girl MY size was riding them! WTF!

So we waited some more and more and more...like I said, until about 2p.m. Yep, 5 hours...

Clowning, bored. Oh, I HATE my white show pants btw...look how high they come up! NO ONE can look attractive in those horrid things...gawd.

I was extremely nervous actually...as many of you probably know, last summer was a disaster showjumping wise for us and I all I could think about was that AND I had 6 courses to memorize, keeping them all straight was difficult...

My heart was pounding and my hands were shaking but our warm up was excellent...

....So I tried to shake my nerves and remember my course. I purposely entered the 2'3 division because the jumps were so low I wouldn't have to worry about clearing them, just remembering them and keeping pace.

Our 1st course was OK...I was nervous and forgot to ride...haha. Yankee knocked over a rail on the first jump (a vertical, his worst enemy) but was stellar after that. We didn't make it to the jump off, so no ribbon, but Idin't care about that! I was pissed at myself for not riding to the first fence.

Waiting for the Grand Prix...

I wished that our next class would have been just more Jumper classes instead of the $300 Grand Prix....I ended up screwing that up too...I am an idiot and apparently have a mental block in rembering SIX courses..but who can blame me, six a quite a bit for one day. Still forgetting where my course was cost me 4 seconds and $250! I HAD the guy who won by like 4 seconds until I forgot where jump #7 was, spent like 3 seconds trotting and frantically searching till some lady yelled "orange vertical!" and I was like, DO'H! He jumped exceptionally, but my mistake cost me some money. Sadface, oh well, I wasn't here for prizes or ribbons, but it would  have been nice at least! He was turning on a dime and jumping like a pro, so I was SOOOO happy with that! I didn't even know that Grand Prix had a payout until I went to jump the course, haha! Also there was a girl there who was seriously rude, she rode a stallion and thought she was all that and a bag of chips and I really wanted to beat her!

Anyways, on to the Jumper classes. Like I said before, I wanted to just jump well and not get ribbons, but the tiny massive competitive side of me really DID want to win and I knew I could do both! The 3 foot class went really really well too, Yankee jumped fast and clean and with a double clear and a time of 43 secs, off to the jump -off we went. Guess who forgot the Jump-off course? Yep, me. I just laughed, and accepted my 3rd place as it was. Yankee still jumped like a star and all hint of nervous-ness was gone.

The 3'9 class went much better and we had no jump-off, so it was all for time. It was probably the best round all day and I was SO happy with how he went. The second fence was crap but that was my bad. He turned on a dime from 5 to 6 and 6 to 7, but the lady who got first place had the rolbackienst horse I have ever seen, and even though Yankee was faster and jumped better, her horse shaved off the seconds by rollbacking to like every fence. I can live with a double clear and another 2nd place ribbon :D

I was MORE than pleased with my ponyface and didn't even care that I didn't win anything. To me, I HAD won! We successfully jumped 5/6 courses (minus the silly human who forgot her course twice) and we were spot on to everything! I couldn't have asked for a better horse yesterday!

Focus

lead change!

fence 4, 3'9

fence 7, 3'9

fence 6, 3'9

PROUDLY displaying our fourth, third and two seconds!

I was so happy with how yesterday went!

I KNOW our stadium will be good in two weeks, since I jumped higher yesterday than my course will be. I feel extra confident and in a good place mentally for the stadium round for mIll Creek. Now if only I felt that good about finals....

TFGIF

Worst week ever.

You've all heard my woes a million times but I will say that I had a legit mental breakdown last night and sobbed for approx. 3 hours and went bat-shit crazy. I probably should have been institutionalized.

Oh and Yankee might have wobblers...fml right?

I am just wondering WHAT ELSE can happen to me right now, I am almost laughing now because what else can I do?

Onwards and forthwards!

Today is Friday. Tomorrow is Saturday. And Sunday comes afterwards. We so excited. Thank you Rebecca Black.

But seriously I am stoked.

End of my week(s) from hell, I have a jumper show tomorrow, and ALL of sunday off to do homework...yay?

I am excited for this show but the tiny part of my soul that tells me this is a bad idea because of money keeps cropping up. I tell it to STFU and get outta here. Money grows on trees right?

Yanks got shiny new shoes today, gets braided all pretty tonight and off to Saint Louis for the jumper show :)

Many pictures will be taken and we will NOT crash through fences!

Eventing Obsessed

So since I can't upload the vids from EA to my Mac and my PC died, its not looking good...ugh.

Its been busy in my life lately...so much shit to do before may 14th (end of finals week and beginning of Horse Trials)...I feel like I might explode with stress. I have ridden twice in about a week..and lunged twice. My house is a mess. My car is a wreck..I wear the same clothes two days in a row. There is paint on everything. I think I've gained back 5 lbs from eating out....ugh again.

However, I got two great rides in over the weekend. Saturday was Dressage day (pics on that later) and Sunday was Jump/Conditioning day. Saturday dressage was unbelieveable and Sunday was pretty good. e was a bit hyper for my taste but jumped really well. His gallops could use some relaxation but other than that we did 6 laps, 3 each direction. Each lap is about 1/3 mile I think so it was pretty good.

Pictures are out of order, but oh well, lol.

Look at that trot!! Talk about engaged :D

Practicing my 'galloping position'- Practical Horseman pg 34.

He was  waaay tense. The pic. above is about as 'out' as he got. Even full out gallop speed he was still uppity. He would NOT stay on the correct lead. Insisted on switching to the opposite  no matter which direction we were going. Weird counter-cantering ponyface.

Galloping=love

Speaking of galloping, if you all haven't read Practical Horseman's "5 XC Rider Positions", I would. Its excellent. 

Also there was another article by J. Wofford called "Magnificent Obsession" which was also excellent and inspiring. I love the quote,

 "....Dave Barry says there is a fine line between hobby and pbsession; he must have been talking about horse people. Obsession is a persistant disturbing preoccupation with an often unreasonable idea or feeling; broadly; compelling motivation..."

I also love how he says anyone who is a master of their work has to spend at least 10, ooo hours practicing. He says most humans live about 700, 800 hours, 1/70th of your life! It is awesome to think about it this way. I wouldn't want to be doing anything else with my life!

I can't really explain the article well in my must-do-homework mindset but I'd recommend reading it. Very motivating!

Baby trekahner

EW this is SO pixalated....gross. But, this was a drop fence and he handled it well for it being wet outside. My position is getting much stronger. No more leaning forward and MUCH stabler leg. I try to auto release but sometimes I forget.

Like I said, the pics are out of order. We jumped inside first then did some work in the jump field.  

Yankee felt really good over fences, but I can still feel myself sucking back before takeoff. Its something I really need to get over and I try so hard but by trying I just do worse. Its a retarded cycle and very frustrating because its ME and not Yankee for once. I am afraid he will run through the fence again like last summer and afraid he will refuse since he started doing  that after last summer but I cannot NOT think about it and ALWAYS stutter before the fences..its a pain :(

He was quite hyper and bucked after every fence and squealed and whatnot (in joy, not pain, trust me) but he was very smooth up to and over the fences. We practiced a bounce, two skinnies and a higher oxer.

H brought Pronto out to jump a bit. I think this is his 5th time and he is relaxing more and more. He doesnt like bounces much but he can jump!

Pronto and H. popping over the bounce. Lol, I still think he jumps a little funny.

H jumping Pronto. He is getting more and more relaxed!

The skinny!

2nd element of the bounce, I'm a little crouchy..ooops

BAD ponyface!

The skinnnnny! Which he jumped like a pro!

WEE!

I thought this fence looked wicked cool in a magazine and I wanted to try it. So I set it up :)

We then went outside to do some gallop sets. He was still really uptight so I thought popping over a few fences would help...not really. Overall he was ok though, it was wet out. Oh, he threw a shoe, of course. I should know better not to ride in ANY amount of mud b/c shoes will come off....

Lol, not really jumping the center am I? This was a massive spread btw.

I LOVE this picture!

Gallop sets!

Jumper show this weekend, dressage show maybe the next then our 1st HT of the season!!!

Don't forget all, Eventing/Dressage T-shirts...let me know if you want one! (refer to previous post/comments for design).