How to Train Your Dragon

I feel like it would be hilarious to try and type a humorous sale ad for my horse (kind of like Karley and a few others did) because he so dang quirky! I might actually be changing my blog name soon, regarding this, so don't be startled.

It might go like this; Lovely, energetic, tall  red dragon OTTB with SO MUCH potential. Lofty gaits, lovely jump. Clips, if you stuff his face with cookies every 5 seconds and tell him he's a good boy. Loads easily, only onto slant goosenecks- good luck with anything else. Easy keeper, if you have a small fortune to spend on hay and grain. Jumps everything, right after he refuses it the first time. He actually stands for the farrier. Comes when called in pasture, sometimes. Ties, usually.

HAHA.

But for reals, he will jump anything. If he stops to have a good look at it first. *eyeroll*

He's still such a baby that I don't ever get upset with his baby moments over fences, which is almost always, and he's trying his hardest to be good. But sometimes I ask myself why, why must he test me and make me question purchasing his silly butt.

EME made the long haul to Flying Cross Farm for their bad ass schooling and water complex. Worth hr 3 hour drive, in my opinion.

B was incredibly chill right off the trailer and settled right into schooling mode, which included having to stand for lengths of time while Supertrainer coached off his back. I was so proud that he mostly stood still like a good horse.

An old pro

They started over the bank complex and I had an inkling he would question the sanity of stepping off a perfectly good ledge, as he's never been asked to do so before.

He jumped right up no questions asked...

...and promptly came to a slow meandering halt on the off side. Sniffed a bit, questioned Supertrainer and then LEAPED off like it was lava. SO funny.

The second time around he looked like he was going for it and then SLAMMED on the brakes 2 strides out. I mean truly slammed, it was jolting and impressive. I think ST was quite surprised. 

Then, he leaped off again. After that, easy. On all complexes (there were 3) he just sauntered off like he had been doing it ages. Cool B, cool.

Next was some easy logs, coops and rolltops. What is baffling to me is that he will leap over the larger jumps no problem, but act like asking him to first jump the baby logs is the most offensive thing in the world. He literally just slows down and halts before the fence, looks around and then jumps over. Would definitely be 20 penalties, and its oh-so-annoying, because he always goes over. 

Didn't bat at eye at this one, but the baby one warranted a refusal. Okay B, okay

ST spent some time linking together the coops, logs and rolltops and getting him a bit more in front of her leg. he was so incredibly chill about everything, she was actually riding him on a loose rein in-between fences. She thinks that he possibly just has like horsey ADD, because when he refuses, its rarely violent, its like he just isn't paying attention and slows down to a stop, then hops over. 

Next was the water, and he was wildly offended that this water was not in creek form and refused to get his feet wet at first. Then, all he wanted to do was play and lay down, and getting him OUT was the problem. FICKLE horse.

want. to. lay. down. must. play.

ST  trotted him in and out several times before asking him to jump anything. Strangely enough, again, he flat out refused the tiny crossrail out, but jump the RR tie with no question asked. OK B OK.

casual stop

Don't mind trailer aluma-butt

Sidenote, do you ever get offended that some people look so much better on your horse than you do. Some people just LOOK like riders and look good on everything their butt touches. I always look like a freak of nature. I touched on my conformation in my last post and no matter what I do, I don't look like I belong on a horse. Literally what I would give to be tiny and have short legs, SERIOUSLY. I look like an amazon and he doesn't even look like a 17.1 1/2 hh horse under me, lolz.

So after the water we played in the middle field a bit with a log pile and a baby brush fence. He thought both were horse eating monsters and casually refused both before gracefully popping over. Again, ST schooled him over and over them, but after the initial refusal, he didn't bat an eye. This is frustrating!

Easy

meh

Then, in the next 2 fields, he jumped right over the logs and the ditch, NO QUESTION. The mother effing ditch. One of the scariest things to jump, in my opinion! Didn't even care.

Lastly, the picture frame. I so wanted a pic of my majestic dragon jumping through that, but ST was skeptical, as it was large in height and "scary". But, because pics, she did it for me. Her tactic was to not even ride up to it like she was jumping, she simply walked up an let him sniff. Obviously won't be able to do that in a show, but we want him to realize even the scary fences won't eat him.

He sailed right over and through.

yeet yeet!

SO. Proud! Sure, he refused almost everything once. Thats no good for eventing, he would be eliminated before he could even get started really. But, he's trying, and hopefully its sinking in that the fences aren't terrifying and he can easily do this. Truly, he was having fun after each initial WTF IS THAT reaction, and he was incredibly calm the whole day. I hope it was a good learning day for him and that he won't get eliminated in XC in 3 weeks, but it is what it is. He's just a baby at this, and its OK. Maybe he's  not cut out for eventing and thats OK too. Or maybe he needs some more outings, who knows!

I told ST that as long as he remains on the ground and in the arena for dressage, I will be happy. I am honestly expecting an elimination, so anything would make me happy right now. Luckily, this is her job and she is confident in my horse. She's doing her duty as a great trainer to get him out there before the show. This is his 2nd XC school and theres will be one more before Penny Oaks. We are also lucky and have a mini XC field at EME with corners, rolltops and logs, so I hope we can get him consistent about not taking that R. I trust her completely though and am happy with the decision to have her ride him in the first event.

Position Is Key

I would have loved to respond to everyone’s comments on the last post, as I truly enjoyed reading them! Know that I appreciate feedback, and solidifying the fact I am not the only-non fearless rider out there! Fear is so difficult to conquer, and as we know, can sometimes be irrational. As an equestrian blogging community, together, we got this!

Bacardi recovered well this week and we had two rides before my trainer took over (thank the lord!) for the next 3 weeks. I recently changed jobs (instead of going part time AND full time) and dealing with the mess of insurance, 401k, two-weeks notice, new paper work…its been a stressful mess. 

Along with Yankee, gym, sleeping and school, I knew I wouldn’t get to ride my healthy horse much, so this actually worked out wonderfully. Despite the $, its money well spent in my brain. Pro training, pro show ride, less stress on my end. Winning.

I digress.

Our ‘last’ ride together was a flat session in 82* weather on Monday. I was NOT feelin it, since I was sporting a wonderful sunburn from Saturday, and I am one of the select few that loathes summer. I hate sweating, I hate being sticky, I hate bugs, I hate the blaring sun, I hate crispy lawns, crispy horses, crispy shoulders, fried hair, thunderstorms, not sleeping well, sweating and almost everything else the accompanies summer. HATE. And its only SPRING.

So putting breeches on in 80 * in APRIL had me bewildered and jaded and I was already like UGH for our ride.

Surprisingly, he was brilliant. Much more so than he should have been; I was truly riding horrendously. Like so bad. I could feel it before I even looked at the video I took of myself. I cringed when I actually watched.

Lately, I’ve taken to crouching, curling, pointing my toes down and riding with my hands in my lap.

Literally all the bad things you could do, I do it at once.

I do not understand how my horse stands it, and honestly, based off his initial behavior with me (when first purchased) I almost didn’t believe I was riding the same horse. Like, did I grab the right one out of the pasture?

what is this creature? 

Perhaps he was zonked by the heat too, but he really was lovely for me despite the potato sack on his back.

Because of the heat and my lack of self-confidence, I really was riding without purpose and we most toodled with 20m circles and practicing down centerline to halts.

He could’ve been a wee more engaged and forward, but most of that was due to my shit riding, and nothing of his own. He was still relaxed (minus one random spook in the corner) and actually swung his ribs in the corners and strutted straight on the long sides. Transitions were beautiful and I wanted to cry I was so proud.

so relaxed

I’ve been thinking over the last few days though, on my position, and what exactly happened. I’ve never been a “flawless” rider by any means, but my jump position has been solid and dressage was correct, mostly. Now, both seats have gone to shit and I’m like, no, why, come back. I miss you.

Come back to me

textbook, also no fear

Part of the problem is my actual body type. I have insanely long femurs (like ridiculously), a squat booty and a short torso coupled with non-existent boobs. Not only is it incredibly unmatched and not streamlined at all, but finding the right stirrup length, or even a saddle that fits me is impossible. I essentially gave up years ago looking “correct” on any horse, but still took pride in my equitation.

Minus conformation issues on my end, battling the urge to return to hunter land has always been a nagging problem as well. Re-training my body from the hunter crouch to dressage seat took years and I sometimes still struggle.

just look at B

Case and point.

Then I got to thinking. What has REALLY changed in the last few months though?

My job description.

I spend HOURS a day curled over a keyboard now, looking down with hunched shoulders.

No matter how conscious I try to be about it, I still do it. Muscle memory. That’s hours and hours a day for months at a time.

Wow, that explains it.

Just call me Ms Dame

DAMN ADULTING.

Hopefully the job switch will decrease that time spent hunched over on a computer, because not only is my riding suffering, but so is my Crossfit!

Time to retrain my body!

Tomorrow, we head out to KY for some cross country schooling. I love being less than 2 hours from KY XC grounds, and I can’t wait to see how Bacardi does with Supertrainer! I will take so many videos, don’t worry.

What Do Wednesday: FEAR

I have been trying to write a recap post for days now, but my video editor froze on me and I gave up, so this is not only a video-less post, but also a recap and what-do all wrapped into one!

For the first time together, and his second time ever, we hauled out to the park for some XC schooling this past weekend. It was a blast and I have so many things to discuss I don't even know where to begin.

For one, it made me realize how lucky I am to have such a wonderful group of riding friends, and Supertrainer to lead us in our eventing journey.

Horse friendz, I needz dem

For two, I realized I am in worse shape than I thought, and breeches are flattering on no one. Additionally my position has gone to crap and I really need to hike a hole or two up and work on releasing again. Jesus.

like, what is this. GM would scoff

Third, I am absolutely, 100% scared shitless of cross country.

One hundred percent certifiably terrified.

I didn't really realize it until we had finished our canter sets to warm up and we all began on a very simple log exercise to warm-up over fences. The third fence was a roll back turn to the tiniest triple bar on earth and my heart absolutely dropped when Supertrainer was explaining the exercise. You want me to to jump WHAT? Are you fucking insane, I'll die!

You'll notice he's mostly naked now

So I sat there watching everyone else do the warm-up, literally shaking in my boots, dreading my turn. When it came, we cantered over the baby logs, turned for the triple bar and promptly came to an easy halt before the fence.

I about burst into tears. ALL of my insecurities, worries, doubts, fears bubbled to the surface with this one refusal and I cried/yelled "HE JUST DOESNT DO.... THIS... I CANT DO THIS" and Supertrainer calmly asked me to come at it again and my barn mates cheered me on and he sailed over it, rather awkwardly because I can't ride for shit apparently, but no questions asked, went right over like okay mom

sheer terror. I mean seriously look how massive that fence is

OH OKAY so when riders actually ride, horses actually jump. Noted.

Thats the hard part though.

So then we added in trickier things, like a log pile on a bank/hill and even bigger logs after that.

Barn mate jumping the even bigger logs

I instantly was like UH shit no, I am NOT jumping that, I will die. And Supertrainer sternly said, "Monica, Bacardi can do this, easily, you're going to do this" And I was like nope, not gonna. So she gave up, like a good trainer should because I was obviously terrified.

Then one of the girls spoke up and asked me why I was afraid and what happened to make me so afraid. And I sat there like...uhhhhh, I really don't know. I really don't know.

We moved on to other fences, and he refused a few at first. But it got easier, and I was realizing it was mostly my riding affecting my horse. He was having an absolute BLAST and once I got my shit together and realized the baby fences weren't my impending doom and my horse could literally jump over any of them from a standstill (which he did at each stop), I started RIDING.

The exuberance

In-between fences I kept thinking to myself, WHAT am I so afraid of and WHY? Death? I used to jump four feet with no question, no doubts and no fears. I have done this a million times, over much bigger things. I loved it and it was fun. Bacardi jumped without question when I actually rode well, so why was I like this?

more baby log piles

super unimpressive log

I think the root of my fear is failure. So many people have had doubts about this horse, myself included, and I can't stand the thought of proving them right. I have risked a lot with this horse, and I just want to succeed with him. Its a natural human thought process; we don't want to fail. But if I think about it, I have already come so far with him, I feel as if I have a already won.

Then there's the nagging self doubt. Oh that self doubt, you won't leave me. Typical female self doubt that just exists to torment me. "Oh you're too fat for those breeches. Ohmygod you're position is terrible I bet everyone is thinking about how terrible your position is and laughing to  themselves. Oh wow your horse will never amount to nothing and you were stupid to buy him. You'll never be successful, so  you might as well quit now"

Like a crazy person.

Then theres the immense pressure to compete and prove that worth, and having tons of successful friends who show doesn't help. I used to love showing, but right now, I can't really decide if thats my end all be all with riding. Like what is the actual point? To win a $2 ribbon and be $800 poorer? Okay....

Then I think about actually competing though, and my heart actually starts to race, not in a good way. I watched a friend post a video of  her start box departure on Facebook and I felt my heart contract with fear. Hearing that countdown, I was terrified and had flashbacks from my XC days with Yankee. Which were never bad, to be honest, so I have zero clue about what is happening in my brain.

When I see people posting pics of them from shows over Novice fences I am like holy mutherfucking shit no way that is Novice. I literally never want to jump that, ever. What really freaks me out is Training level, like WHEN did those fences get so massive? I did training for 5 years and not once did I think "oh I might die today on XC". But now, beginner novice fences have me like, NOPE.

So what is wrong with me? Did I grow up and realize life is fleeting and riding is terribly dangerous? Am I scared of failure? Do I just not like riding anymore?

So after all that thinking and pondering while riding, we came up to this incredibly simple log (whoa a log again, its getting wild) in which Bacardi over jumped by a mile and then blasted off on landing. He was so totally and 100% overjoyed that he let out some squeals and some hops and was so proud of himself I couldn't help but smile!

SASS

such majesty

such impulsion

many leaps

It was then I realized that my horse was not afraid at all, in fact he loved it. After that, I relaxed a little and found that I took was having fun again. Then, he surprised me with no reaction to the ditch at all. None. He just glided over it like he had been doing it forever. That was cool. I can dig it.

Slowly.

I still have a lot to work on, and being more positive with my inner self, pushing away the "demons", but I think I might be getting there again. I don't know how I feel about competing anytime in the near future, but I will admit the XC was pretty fun. I am sure some of you know how damned hard it can be to believe in yourself and that you're not a totally horrendous rider, but thats how I am trying to conquer this fear of XC head on.

So dear readers, what do you do with your fears? Do you face them head on? Do you shrink away from them? Do you find something else that works? Tell me, what do??

That all being said, we are going to KY this weekend to have Supertrainer ride this time (Event only 3 weeks away!!) and get some water schooling under his belt. I can't wait to see her ride him over fences!

And Just Like That, It Was Gone

OK. I am going to pee my breeches if I don't let the cat out of the bag.

Its really not that exciting to you normal show people, but...*drumroll* I entered Bacardi in his FIRST USEA event ever. EVER.

WOW that only took two years!

The funniest thing about his debut is that I'm not even riding. My trainer is riding him.

Like some insane fitness freak I signed up for a Tough Mudder and it just so happens to be on the same weekend as the cheapest show of the year...and by the time I figured that out, sucked it up and entered B I had paid for the Mudder months before already. If you've never done a Mudder its essentially paying $180 to run 10 miles though mud and cause yourself horrible pain.

I'm insane.

But we knew that.

So anyways, its settled. Hopefully official, but I had issues with Xentry and assigning my trainer as the rider so I had to send it snail mail 4 days before close. *fingers crossed* ((I am actually happy that someone who does this as like, their job, will make his debut with him. A confident, unattached pilot I hope will make his first experience positive, and thats all I want.))

This brings me to my next point.

We recently got our yearly bonuses...

At first I was like...

...and despite the FIVE hundred dollars in taxes, I still had a large chunk to disperse among things. Most went to medical bills, but the rest has disappeared already. Like literally in 6 days.

Culprit: horses.

Damn them!

Grumpy pony

Yankee currently is eating dollar bills so theres that, but Bacardi also recently had what was supposed to just be a health certificate appointment end up being much more than that.

...and then I was like

EME had the vet come out and do all the spring things horses get. Luckily B had his shots last month and his Coggins drawn earlier so I just needed a health cert for the show.

Just a a quick exam and out.

So as my darling vet is taking his temp and listening to his heart, he looks up and goes, "he has left ventricle sideways heart anatomy arrhythmia asthma" and I was like "what the fuck did you just say?"

Ok so he didn't say that, but thats what I heard and my heart dropped and I was like, no, do not say these words to me, I cannot deal with this shit right now. what does this mean. What is happening. Why are all my horses broken

So I calmly say "um, wut"

He then goes, "OH I'M SORRY ( I had just filled him in on Yankee), I didn't mean to scare you. Just means his heartbeat is a little fast and irregular. Happens with racehorses a lot, fit horses, athletes, does he ever tire out?"

And I was like, "no"

So then he explained things and I heard words and barely recovered from that.

After that heart attack, the exam continued and he found some sharp edges on B's teeth and said "Well, we could do it now or wait"

And aside from giggling like a ten year old boy, I said "please tell me what to do, I literally cannot make decisions right now because you've scarred me and its not like I'm not used to throwing money at my horses, so what do I do please"

"I advise we do his teeth now before it becomes a problem"

So we floated the teeths.

And then somehow  while B was drugged and getting floated, we got on the topic of microchips and I was like, "oh yeah I wanted to do that for B since I have one for Yankee, and I know they're not necessary but like, peace of mind. Next time you come out can you remember to bring one? You know, like among the million things vets remember on a daily basis."

And just like that, he pulls out the biggest needle I've ever laid eyes on, like he was ready or some shit, and gave me the questioning look and I was like "why not".

So now B has a chip.

And then he was like, "while he's out want me to clean his sheath?"

I paused, thinking about how much vets might charge for sheath cleaning, but then realized he never lets me do it outside sedatives so I was like "why not".

And thats the tale of how I spent $400 on a $45 health certificate.

Its ok though, I feel better and Bacardi is all spiffy and shiny and ready for his FIRST show.

MAY 7th everyone!

Brick by Brick, My Citizens

I can't believe it's been a whole week since I posted last, whoops. 

Per usual, a shitload has gone down in the last week, and until it's super official, mums the word. But it's exciting and positive. That left little time for blogging though. 

Never fear, I did actually ride a little.  Twice in fact. And squeezed in quick groundwork sessions on the lunge with B. 

He had approximately 2 unplanned weeks off due to my personal life, sleep schedule and a missing RF shoe, but if anything it did him good. He bounced back beautifully and is calmer than ever. I am so proud of my red horse!

Not my red beast, but a cute pic of Levi being confused over the freak snow in April

Sidenote, I wrote up a super long, depressing post about unfinished goals and failures and bullshit, but it accidentally got deleted and I think it was for the best. Super flashback to my darker college years, and it was a minor lapse in mental judgement due to severe lack of sleep.

Moving on. 

Yankee is doing wonderfully. I am slightly dying, freaking out about him and micromanaging his every move, but he's doing well. Better than I expected for a horse recovering from major major surgery. 

Normally, the incision from colic surgery is like a foot long? I think. Well, his was massive. Like incredibly large. And it took ages to heal. He still has a few spots where it's draining, therefore I have heart palpitations when he plays around like a goon every AM when I let him out...

Yankee WYD

But he's healing quickly. Mostly he's a grumpy asshole. I would be too if I was excluded from all the fun and kept to a small paddock with only dumb hay to keep me occupied.

He's taken to staring longingly at the pasture and ignoring his hay, so Bragg ends up eating it all everyday. Not only is this making me incredibly anxious, but Bragg is now the size of a blimp. If I turn him out in the pasture without Yankee, it's like their lives are over, so I keep them together for now so healing horse doesn't hurt himself.

When I have time, I graze Yankee as such with Bragg loose, but most times I toss Yankee out in my redneck pen while I do chores or hang out at home. 

Don't judge me and my redneck ways

Another thing Yankee is not doing well is eating fast. Its seriously killing my vibe. I have to wait around ages to turn him out so Bragg won't steal his food and I'm like c'mon man. You never realize how much you appreciate horses that clean up quick until you have one that doesn't. He used to, so of course, this causes me to panic almost daily, but he eventually licks his pan clean. I don't blame him, he's eating the equivalent of a giant human salad and I know I can't stand healthy food & it sucks. Its like me being forced to eat tofu to gain weight, um NO THANK YOU.. He is getting a fuckload of it too; low starch, high protein grains with empower boost for the fats. Plus his MSM and probiotics. Poor dude spends half his life eating now. Additionally, he has about half a bale of hay a night in his stall, which he never finishes, but he's gaining weight like a champ. 

Top photo is 2 weeks post-op, right off the trailer at the recovery farm. Bottom photo was his past weekend, about 6 weeks difference. His topline is still dismal, but his ribs, shoulder & neck look better, stomach is filling out and the swelling has gone down. Also his coat looks so. much. better. 

want the grass, give me grass

I can't wait until his coat is completely shed out! He gets to go out on pasture April 20th & May 20th he's allowed to be ridden again, slow build to jumping 30 days after. CANT WAIT.

Although he be but little, he is fierce!